Trailer breakdown: Fast & Furious 6 is Mission: In-Freakin'-Sanity


6th February 2013

Liked the Super Bowl trailer for Fast & Furious 6? Take a frame-by-frame look at the highlights of the movie that Michael Haneke only wishes he was directing. DIESEL POWER!

00:12 - "It wasn't that hard to find you, Toretto!" says The Rock, finally catching up with Diesel in Rio after the world's largest, most explosive game of Hide And Seek.

00:15 - "I wasn't hiding," replies Diesel, the sore loser. Later, he will attempt to pass off his turn as 'a practice go'.

00:24 - "Last week, a team of highly co-ordinated drivers took down an entire military convoy," says The Rock. "And they did it using methods used exclusively in Road Runner cartoons."

00:41 - Holy shit, it's Michelle Rodriguez, who died in Fast & Furious i.e. two movies ago. But now she's back! This has never happened before in the history of movies. Unprecedented.

00:51 - London, baby! Team Fast & Furious are coming to the capital. Watch the fuck out, Boris Johnson. Stay the fuck out of their way, Congestion Charge. Bring it on, Chris Huhne. And so on.

00:53 - Paul Walker, taking a lift like a boss. Cool guys don't face the front, they wait for the doors to open, then look up, seductively. Hope he's on the right floor. It's hard to look cool when you're on the wrong floor.

00:54 - Look, it's Sung Kang's boy racer Han, who outdid Michelle Rodriguez by dying in the third Fast And The Furious movie. How? These are all prequels, apparently, although I reckon they're just pretending nobody saw Tokyo Drift and are hoping we'll all forget about it.

00:56 - "Why do I smell baby oil?" asks Tyrese Gibson, unaware that there are about a thousand answers to that question that make him the punchline. Let's go with, "Because you're a massive paedo?" Heyo.

00:57 - "You keep running your pie-hole, you're going to smell an ass-kicking," jokes The Rock, unaware that someone will definitely edit this into him saying: "I'm going to smell your pie-hole."

00:58 - It's Gina Carano. She doesn't appear to have any lines. Women, am I right? They're scary.

01:01 - As Sung Kang was the last to touch the table, he had to hand out Vin Diesel's plan print-outs.

01:04 - Here's your villain, Luke Evans, whose evil power is that he can make himself completely symmetrical whenever he wants.

01:08 - Evans plays Owen Shaw, a former Spec Ops soldier, who - hang on, there's Michelle Rodriguez alive and well, a full minute or so before her big shock reveal. Whoops. Spoiler alert, I guess.

01:11 - London again. Nice, innit?

01:12 - Of all of Owen Shaw's crimes, surely his worst is purposely driving the wrong way down a one-way street. The bastard.


01:19 - Shit. Maybe extreme policing was in order. I'm still holding out for a crossover with The Sweeney. I reckon Ray Winstone could have The Rock in a fight.

01:21 - That's Waterloo Bridge! I've been there! Squeee! Edit: Apparently, it's Lambeth Bridge. I haven't been there. Boo.

01:36 - Just before Team Fast (or is it Team Furious?) begin their adventure, there's always time to drive garish cars around slowly, leering at women while listening to terrible music.

01:39 - See?

01:41 - That there is that there Rita Ora: celeb, pop star and heir to the Kia-Ora fortune.

01:47 - Here we can see an evil henchman kicking Strictly Come Dancing contestant Colin Salmon through a window, because his Pasa Doble was so lacking. Or maybe it's just Tyrese Gibson's stunt double.

01:49 - Street racing through Piccadilly Circus? Maybe that's why they call it rush hour. (*waits an eternity for laughter*)

01:57 - "I can break you whenever I want," says Luke Evans, apparently unaware that no one has ever broken The Rock, not even in tennis. Weird to think this role almost went to David Tennant: scientifically proved to be the least threatening man in the universe.

02:05 - Holy shit you guys, it's Michelle Rodriguez, and she's totally working with the bad g- oh, you read that bit already.

02:17 - Just 'cos.

02:20 - Gina Carano and Michelle Rodriguez have a fight on the London Underground. This is approximately nine times more martial arty than most fights you see on the Tube. Michelle Rodriguez pulls the best fight faces.

02:26 - FUCK YOU, I'M A TANK.

02:36 - Herbie goes apeshit.

02:42 - Just The Rock clothes-lining a man that Vin Diesel has hoisted onto his shoulders. Nothing to see here.

02:45 - Tyrese believes he can fly. Tyrese believes he can touch the sky. Tyrese thinks about you every night and day. Spreads his wings and FUCK THAT CAR JUST GOT RUN OVER BY A TANK

02:46 - Silly Tyrese should have just hitched a ride on this plane, although something tells me it won't be flying anyway. Shit is most definitely about to go down. Shit never goes up.

03:00 - NAILED IT.

03:04 - OH MY GOD THE PLANE JUST GAVE BIRTH TO A CAR! This is clearly going to be the best movie ever made.

03:06 - Dayum, son. This gon be gud. Fast & Furious 6's Super Bowl trailer had a remix of The Prodigy's 'Breathe' on it. Hmm, if only there was a track on that same album that was even more relevant...


Follow us on Twitter @The_Shiznit for more fun features, film reviews and occasional commentary on what the best type of crisps are.
We are using Patreon to cover our hosting fees. So please consider chucking a few digital pennies our way by clicking on this link. Thanks!

Share This