Trailer breakdown: is Godzilla a graveyard smash? We do the mash

Luke Whiston

10th December 2013

Unless you were in a coma until about half an hour ago and have only just got to checking the latest movie trailers (in which case, what the hell? Priorities!), you won't have escaped the first official trailer for a certain large reptilian monster movie making its way onto the internet. I'm talking of course about Gareth Edwards' Godzilla. Just thought I'd clarify that in case you really have been in a coma, or are Google. Breakdown!

Here we see a very serious American military type telling a group of soldiers they're about to go on a HALO jump. A lesser website would make some wiseass crack like "I didn't know there was a Halo film coming out hur" but not us. Quality film journalism all the way, baby.

But seriously this bit looks the fucking tits. No idea why they're jumping from the back of an airplane with trails of red smoke making them clearly visible for no apparent practical reason, but it looks really cool.

See, cool.

Really cool. So cool they spend approximately half the trailer on this one bit.

Really, really co-OH MY GOD it's Godzilla! If one of these dudes doesn't fly directly into his gaping maw I'm storming out of the cinema and demanding my money back immediately. I don't understand a film with airborne people and a gigantic monster where that wouldn't happen. Reign of Fire did it. Are you better than Reign of Fire, Godzilla? (yes I know a movie trailer can't hear me shhh)

Nice greens. Green is the international colour for monsters, so I'm guessing some sort of secret monster project is lurking down in this vault. Hey don't open that- too late.

The original 1954 Toho Godzilla film was a manifestation of fears held by Japanese people living with the spectre of the atomic bomb in the years following the Second World War. Here's Ken Watanabe playing a token Japanese scientist, squinting a little bit. Slightly racist, Ken.

Thank Christ, an explosion. Wondered when this was going to get interesting. Here we see something exploding. It doesn't appear to have any bearing on, or relevance to the plot, but at least it's not grey and brown.

Sweet bomb, brah! Is this going to explode as well? Please say it will. Explosions are the best. Have you ever seen a film without an explosion? I did once and it sucked.

Trivia: Bryan Cranston was still making Breaking Bad when they started filming this, requiring him to cover his face at all times as he wasn't allowed to shave off that stupid goatee.

I'm no movie expert (no really, I'm not) but these sort of scenes where two people are separated and have to look at each other through a window as it happens don't usually have a happy ending. Juliette Binoche's expression says it all here: "Eeeeee."

A wrecked train surrounded by corpses. That's... pretty horrific actually. Starting to think there won't be any campy giant moths in this movie.

Oh, Elizabeth Olsen, don't look so scared. Come away with me, we can escape to my luxurious cabin in the countryside where it is safe and there are no Godzillas to come between us. P.S. your sisters may also be safe there too.

And here's the money shot: a billion-pixel dinosaur thing, followed by that famous roar. There's an odd paradox in something that is basically a sequence of 0s and 1s supposedly being more realistic than a guy in a rubber suit. As good as CGI is these days, I can't escape the fact that every single moment you see Godzilla on screen you're technically looking at something that doesn't exist. When the computer is turned off, the monster goes away. Drag the corners to make him bigger, press a button to make him more green - where's the physicality? With the rubber suit you got a tangiable sense of someone really kicking the shit out of those balsa wood miniatures, and knowing you could go out in the garden and do the same thing yourself does wonders for the imagination. Anyway.

Godzilla? What I thought this was a Halo film? Haha, oh my God I'm such a prick!

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