Trailer for Resident Evil 5: the apocalypse, brought to you by Sony


21st January 2012

Resident Evil: Retribution has a trailer - that's number five, for those keeping count. It's the zombie franchise that JUST WON'T DIE. How does it keep going? Corporate sponsorship, from the looks of it.

I saw Resident Evil: Afterlife in the cinema when it came out (what a scintillating release week that must have been) and thought it was just about passable, if only in terms of 'Well at least I'll get a funny article out of it'. Don't get me wrong, it's a total piece of shit, but at least I know what all the fuss is about - and I can categorically state that I will never see another Resident Evil movie again.

This first trailer for Resident Evil: Retribution confirms that fact. Don't be fooled - that's not a pre-roll ad for Sony products in front of the trailer: that IS the trailer. 30 seconds of advertisements for Sony phones, tablets and handheld gaming devices, masquerading as some awful way of setting up the rest of the trailer. It's sickening. I didn't actually see the rest of the trailer because I started spontaneously vomiting on my monitor.

Okay, after a quick mop-up of spew, the rest of the trailer's no better than the fucking Sony ads. There are dragons now? And big rhino zombies that chase after cars? Also, I think we've reached the point now where the Resident Evil videogames have better special effects than the movies: I'd be surprised if Milla Jovovich even left the greenscreen stage. Maybe once, to COUNT HER BLOOD MONEY. (*goes off to play PlayStation*)

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