Review: Transformers

Utterly dreadful. No sense of time, and some nice effects marred by the absolute soullessness of it.

You really should give the Jackass 3 article some credit...

Only just noticed this, but the site just topped 1000 comments. It's all thanks to you, Transformers!

Saw this yesterday, and I have to say I wasn't feeling it in the slightest.

The Transformers themselves were pretty cool, and some of the dialogue between the boy and his parents was funny, but as a movie it was totally lame. Another McBay film, I'm afraid - big effects but no heart or soul, and for a cherished childhood memory that just won't do.

Idiots with lots pocket money...

It's Michael Bay's masterpiece. Sadly, his masterpiece is still the celluloid version of a ADHD kid on a Sugar High let loose with a CGI Canon at a movie theatre. In other words, it's stupid shite.

And stop putting teenage kids in movies to try and make the brainless 12-17 demographic want to go see it : that demographic are idiots, ignore them.

Guy at work saw it, his review?
"I fell asleep for the last 45mins. It was 2hrs of robots flying about which was cool the 1st few times then I just wanted a plot to make me care about flying robots. Was alright I s'pose. I dropped me nachos"

I get the impression the level of realism (giant alien robots transforming into earth vehicles none withstanding) is going to be along the lines of “Massive destruction, random person caught in the middle, show a little more carnage, cut to bemused and slightly dazed person pulling themselves from burning wreckage”

Something Die Hard 4.0 was guilty of (whereas in the first movie, you were left with no doubt that the baddies were Very Naughty Boys). You've all seen it. “A-Team” syndrome, where it's a bullet fest, yet no-one gets shot, and hand grenades look actually kinda fun. :D

I can deal with that. It's in fitting. I don't think I can put up with Bays “shake the camera” action shots, that I find incredibly annoying in each and every one of his movies. Perhaps DVD for this one.

Eh, it's obviously not for everyone. For every geekboy spazzing out at the CGI there's someone scratching their head and wondering what the fuck is going on. Personally, I loved it because it's brainless entertainment taken to the extreme. I can totally understand people not digging it, but I wouldn't expect anyone to be looking for realism from Transformers.

Ah but there was a need for it ... two words ... ching ching. It doesn't matter how crappy it is, it'll still do well because of the name and brand. But you still hope as you pay for your ticket ... more fool me I suppose.

Oh, and that comment above about the Rumsfeld porn was genius. I'm stealing it and claiming it for my own use in a future snark
*yoink*

It's a piece of shit. A big loud piece of shit directed by a guy notorious for big loud shits. I'll die without ever having seen this film and y'know what? I'm fine with that. To me, this film is on the same level as Karate Dog or Duece Bigalo:European Gigolo - pointless and designed for brain damaged people to drool at the flashing lights and pretty sploshuns. *shrugs*
It's a Michael Bay film based on a toy line, you can't any more shallow than that. Good or bad film? Moot point. A film there was no need for at all? Certainment.

To be fair you've got an article on the site (most ridiculous action scenes) where you've taken the mick out of some sci fi films for being unrealistic ...

I'd never expect a film about 40 foot high alien robots to be realistic. I just expected it to be something other than a pretty crappy film relying completely on CGI and cheesy one liners.

Die Hard 4.0 for example was as brainless as they come. Realistic? Yeah, right. But that was a good film.

Expecting realism from a Transformers movie is a little like being upset because there were no jokes in Schindler's List. I want anything BUT realism.

This won't win any awards (except maybe technicals), it won't convert anyone who doesn't like loud, big and brash action movies and it's dumber than a bag of Big Brother contestants but it's so much fun I couldn't give three solitary shits.

"Sorry. Ignore me. The giving up the nicotine again has turned me into a fucktard."

Don't worry, I did ... ;)

Oh come on Ali, being a film addict as you are you must see this was seriously sub-standard at best. Even if I'd never heard of the Transformers I would have felt I'd wasted my time.

I don't know what the hell is going on in cinema today, but it seems to be fashionable to shake the camera about in every action scene, to make it seem like more is happening than there actually is. In this case I think it was just to make up for the fact that the action scenes were plain boring.

No, I'm not suggesting it should be filled with swearing, gore and porn, but a bit of realism wouldn't go amiss. 40 foot high robots fighting in a big city, smashing buildings down and blowing each other to hell, and yet only a handful of humans were killed to my recollection. The Decepticons just seemed weedy to me. And what was all that spiel at the end by Optimus, I almost expected a 'God Bless America' at the end of it.

Pffft.

this film has such a hard-on for the U.S. military that at times it was like watching a porno financed by Donald Rumsfeld.

Oh, and "Nokia" isn't pronounced fucking "Know-key-ah"!

I enjoyed it - it was good clean loud stuff - but I can see why it may piss fans off: some of it annoyed me, too. Still, it was almost worth it to see Megan Fox bending over Bumblebee's engine.

Personally I don't think you need to have had any connection with the cartoon or the toys to enjoy it at all. It's two hours of sheer visual excitement, I couldn't give two shits about the merchandising range. (Although the trademark Michael Bay product placement whoring did get on my nerves a little, especially the 'Nokia' scene).

Sorry. Ignore me. The giving up the nicotine again has turned me into a fucktard.

"but the people it ought to be aimed at are the original fans of the cartoons, who, by now, are my age, around 25-30"

Using that logic, the Star Wars prequels should have been 18 rated adult movies, gore and cruelty a plenty (with some pr0n too, although that probably would have made them better)

Again, it's a movie based on fucking toys for christ sake.

I haven't seen it yet, but I bet the plot, wafer thin as it may be, is more than the "Autobots getting they asses kicked, saved by a new robot, that you just happen to be able to buy this week"

*shrug*

I watched this last week on a special preview showing at Vue cinema in Bolton. It was eagerly anticipated by all that went along, and I think I'd be hard pushed to find a film I'm more disappointed with.

It really seemed to be aimed squarely at the infant/young children market. And I'm sorry, but the people it ought to be aimed at are the original fans of the cartoons, who, by now, are my age, around 25-30.

The CGI was reasonable, not great. They shake the camera about so much, if you can stop yourself from vomitting, you'll still be hard pressed to explain to the person returning from the bathroom what the fuck just went on.

Mind you I stopped caring about half way through. The robots may be a bit more intimidating if they weren't throwing out terrible one liners every 2 mins. And some of the sequences are just plain poor. I was glued to my seat all the way through ... if I hadn't been I'd have left after 20 mins ....

Yeah, he was a little bit of a fucker, wasn't he? Any little robots that snigger and say 'Oh shit!' are cocksuckers in my book.

Didn't anyone think that Frenzy was just another slightly annoying character much like Jar Jar Binks in Phantom Menace?

Is he?
Fucking George Lucas is going to ruin the Indy films now *shakes fist*
Shamrock Roastbeef is my nemesis.

Hahaha!

You do know he's playing the son of Indy?

Plus that kid with the stupid name irritates me because of his stupid name. I think it's actually an anagram of "Dogface Fucktard" give or take a few vowels. And it sounds like the noise-words in a comic when a tank gets thrown by The Hulk "Shiaaaaaaaaaa Labeouf!!!!"
Stupid namey kid.

Nah sorry Ali, I wont go see a movie purely for being an event movie - has to have something that interests me and Transformers doesn't. Bay didn't molest me in childhood or anything to merit angry responses from me, just a huge blank look and a shrug. Now Indiana Jones & The Underpass of Terror, THAT is going to get my shekels.

Saw it tonight, suprisingly enjoyable nonsense.

I'm not a fan but I'm going to see it. Yes, I am. Honest matey.

Erm, can somebody give me a lift?

The fact that it's Transformers is kind of moot, really - it's just a great event movie, that kind that screams to be seen on as big a screen as possible.

hur hur "tentpole movie" hur hur
Well, I said it months ago and it bears repeating - I just have no interest in watching a Transformers movie no matter fast it moves or how many explosions the robots make pretty. Even the prospect of a dvd release fills me with meh
*shrugs*
Each to their own