A woman near me straight-up cried at this. Call me a burnt-out husk of a man with a tin heart if you will, but I couldn't see what at. Because musical involves the naked outpouring of expository emotion through song, there is a built-in conduit for stirring up this sort of feeling, and its largely comprising big orchestral numbers with powerful maintained high notes naturally raises forearm hairs and moistens eyes too. Where musical really succeeds is in having real heart behind the bombast, though, and there's not enough of it on show in The Last Five Years.
"Directed by the stunt coordinator of After Earth, here is a story about an implausibly named man who goes on a revenge rampage after criminals kill his dog. Starring The Lake House's Keanu Reeves." As sells go, this really could have gone either way.
People think the Oscars marks the end of awards season in Hollywood, but people are stupid and ugly and wrong and old, because the MTV Movie Awards happened over the weekend and it sure looked like they were giving out awards to me. With Selma actor David Oyelowo suffering more heartbreak with defeat at the hands of The Maze Runner's Dylan O'Brien and Jennifer Lopez triumphing in the 'Best Scared As Shit Performance' category, it was an evening of high tension and very serious drama. Join us as we expose a leaked document that reveals the categories already selected for next year's 2016 Movie Awards, hosted by, I don't know, Drake or something.
I mean, apart from the fact that Arnold Schwarzenegger's character absolutely has to appear in all of them and he will at some point, without fail, sustain an injury that destroys half his face exposing one iconic red eye. Apart from that, it's a totally new concept. (*waits for 'Hasta la Vista' scene*)
"Hey girl, I made a surreal scary nonsense film because I’m a tortured, sensitive artist. Want to watch it with me? I think you’ll like it. It’s got loads of symbolism about, like, women and sex and monsters and theatre and street lighting. And there’s funny dancing in it. And lots of fake blood. And fire. And lots of bright colours. And a scene where Doctor Who cuts off someone’s lips with a pair of scissors. Want it see it, girl? Hey girl. Hey. HEY. Aww." (*Looks into the distance with sad, longing eyes while lifting up t-shirt to reveal chiselled abs*)
The sight of a middle-aged man in a trilby is hard to bear. Particularly when it isn't accompanied by what you judge to be any other changes in his regular attire: just a single hat, borne as a standard on the scalp, saying, Will this do? Am I cool again? The cycle of youth makes us all obsolete sooner or later, and it's hard to accept. And while there's a dignity to aspire to in Don Draper, defiantly immaculate in sports jacket and tie at a party full of hippies, can you blame a man for wanting to get back what he had when he can't pinpoint when he lost it?