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Review: Fast & Furious 7

Posted by Ali Gray at 23:30 on 23 Mar 2015
Fast & Furious 7
For the first time since its inception in 2001, the Fast & Furious franchise was forced to hit the brakes. The unfortunate – but avoidable – death of Paul Walker in an automobile accident in November 2013 meant production on Part 7 skidded to a halt. Now, one year on from its planned release, Furious 7 rides into town after a respectful re-pimping – the muted colours on the poster suggests a star-studded funeral procession, but in actual fact, the latest instalment of The Franchise That Couldn't Slow Down is business as usual: cars, explosions, pecs (men), gussets (women), crap jokes and the most flagrant disrespect for physics since Sir Isaac Newton's naysayers suggested he stick his apple up his arse. You wouldn't call it a fitting tribute to Walker – I'm pretty sure the last thing his family needs to see is 250 cars exploding into fireballs – but you suspect it's what he, the fans and the studio would have wanted. So here we are. Amber turned to green. Let's go.

Unfortunate pause faces in the new MI: Rogue Nation trailer

Posted by Matt Looker at 07:00 on 23 Mar 2015
Unfortunate pause faces in the new MI: Rogue Nation trailer
Mission: Impossible 5 has a new title. And a new trailer. And a new poster. It also has some silly faces.

Irony alert: Poster for the Transporter film that breaks its own first rule

Posted by Matt Looker at 15:14 on 22 Mar 2015
Irony alert: Poster for the Transporter film that breaks its own first rule
No Jason Statham? No deal. Oh wait, unless we abide by Rule #2 because then that doesn't matter, right? I'm so confused. Sod it, let's just follow Rule #3 too and not bother to see this.

Review: The Divergent Saga: Insurgent

Posted by Becky Mather at 21:00 on 18 Mar 2015
The Divergent Saga: Insurgent
God forbid I should ever have kids, because according to the latest glut of teen movies (Hunger Games, Maze Runner et al) I'd be condemning them to a future where they have to compete in some kind of experimental death fight just to survive. And you can bet any money my offspring won't be 'The One' who can save humanity; knowing my luck they'd probably join the dark side just because they get the better outfits.

Five sexy secrets revealed in close-ups of the new Spectre poster

Posted by Ali Gray at 22:40 on 17 Mar 2015
Five sexy secrets revealed in close-ups of the new Spectre poster
By now you've probably already seen the teaser poster for Spectre, complained about how it's just a picture of a man standing up wearing clothes and moved on with your life. But did you really look at it? Because if you really look at it hard enough, so hard your eyes start to hurt, then you'll find a number of sexy secrets that you'll definitely want to share with your friends so the article goes viral.

Keith Lemon has apparently joined The Avengers

Posted by Ali Gray at 10:30 on 14 Mar 2015
Keith Lemon has apparently joined The Avengers
"Proper moist," he said in a statement. Or is that the other one. They're all awful. GO AWAY.

If Microsoft made Chappie

Posted by Ali Gray at 21:30 on 04 Mar 2015
If Microsoft made Chappie
Remember how annoying Office assistant Clippy was? Now imagine him voiced by Sharlto Copley. "Ay, ewe look like you're roitin a fockin' littah!

New Hitman poster makes excellent use of unnecessary helicopters

Posted by Ali Gray at 22:20 on 02 Mar 2015
New Hitman poster makes excellent use of unnecessary helicopters
Good on Hitman: Agent 47 for keeping the trend of unnecessary helicopters in low-quality action movie posters alive and well.

Review: It Follows

Posted by Ali Gray at 23:00 on 01 Mar 2015
It Follows
I reckon the best way to get the measure of a new horror film is to test how easy it is to replicate the scares in your own home. For example: to 'Blair Witch' someone is to stand motionless and in silence while facing a corner; to 'Body Snatch' someone is to point at them and scream; to pull a 'Paranormal Activity' is to stand next to someone as they sleep and watch them lose their shit when they wake up. The best horror movies tap into something dark and primitive that lurks in us all. It Follows is one such horror movie and contains a core DIY scare tactic that can be replicated by anyone at any time - one that can turn even a well-lit, friendly afternoon picnic into a pant-stained arena of terror.
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