Kelly Brook's incompetence, Jake Lloyd's cockiness, the 90s' garishness... it's the perfect shitstorm. Just because. (via @JimothyShondell)
I was very sorry to hear about the sad passing of Lord Richard Attenborough this evening. Although I am fully aware his acting legacy extends back way beyond 1993, he'll always be Jurassic Park's creator John Hammond to me: my favourite character in my favourite movie ever. I wrote a little bit on what Attenborough brought to the role here, but I don't feel much like eulogising right now: I'm going to get busy knowing him better first. So long, Dickie, and thanks for all the dinosaurs.
Posted by Ali Gray
at 23:30 on 24 Aug 2014
Unless you toss a few sharks into the mix, or have Bill Paxton chasing them down, it’s tough to get people riled up about a tornado. No, what people want these days are several of the windy buggers, scary-as-hell firenados, entire towns flattened, confused shaky cams, people scrambling for phone signal and a pair of drunken thrill-seeking hillbillies with a GoPro looking for YouTube hits.
I am Goebbling up this Nazi pun. It falls right in Mein Kampfort zone. They've judged the tone just Reich. I hate myself.
The world of rom-coms is a fickle one; for every When Harry Met Sally there's The Other Half (starring Danny Dyer, it's on Netflix) or something-or-other starring Isla Fisher tripping over a lot. Whilst it's not going to break new romantic ground, the likeable leads and overwhelming sweetness of What If won me over. God I hate myself sometimes.
(*sighs*) Fine, another trailer for an Adam Sandler film, nothing to see here WAIT SHIT HE'S GOT A BEARD IT MUST BE A SERIOUS ONE MAN YOUR STATIONS EVERYBODY
Posted by Ali Gray
at 07:00 on 20 Aug 2014
Nine years after the pages turned on Robert Rodriguez's first Sin City
movie, and with at least three major parts recast, you can't help but think this Dame To Kill For is sashaying into town long after everyone has lost interest. Showing no signs of added maturity - if anything it's even more juvenile - this slick-yet-soulless sequel features the required quota of girls, guns and garrotting, but it's unlikely to win over those who were unimpressed by the same stiff sideshow almost a decade ago.
The internet did a collective snigger today when a Guardian interview
revealed footballer-turned-pundit Michael Owen had only ever seen five films in his life, including Jurassic Park, Ghost and Heat. Because I'm a die hard Liverpool fan and I'm always keen to expand the horizons of fledgling film fans, I asked Michael if he was up for watching and reviewing five of this week's new releases, doubling his total. Unbelievably, he said yes! I know! I'm still in shock! Take it away, Michael Owen!
As you've no doubt seen discussed on The Pirate Bay, The Expendables 3
hits cinemas this week. It's a franchise famous for overblown action, probable steroid abuse and dubious berets, but above all else, it's famous for its ridiculous character names
. Joining Lee Christmas, Hale Caesar and Toll Road is Mel Gibson's villain: Conrad Stonebanks. Let the swill around your mouth for a few minutes.
Posted by Ali Gray
at 09:00 on 14 Aug 2014
In an increasingly formulaic industry, it's rarer now than ever to experience that most simple of pleasures: a movie you can't predict. Lucy is a bizarre mish-mash of ideas - Besson himself says the first third is Leon: The Professional, the middle section is Inception and the final act is 2001: A Space Odyssey - and it gels about as well as you'd expect. It's frustrating in its execution and bafflingly vague where it matters. But, but
: just try to second guess it. Even if it falls short in almost every department, Lucy is a fascinating anti-blockbuster that delights in its deficiencies - even the anti-climactic ending is a thrill, just because it's different.