Posted by Ali Gray
at 23:00 on 03 May 2015
There's never a bad time to watch movies about dinosaurs, but with Jurassic World
around six weeks away, it seemed like high time I rewatched the Jurassic Park trilogy again - it has been almost five months since the last time I watched it, after all. I think I said my piece pretty comprehensively during Jurassic Park Week
in 2013, so what follows are just stray observations - the kind you really only pick up from having already watched something 60 times.
Before watching Unfriended – a real-time horror film that, according to IMDb, "redefines 'found footage' for a new generation of teens", I was confident that I was 'down with the kids'. But now, having sat through a film completely confined within a teenage girl's laptop as she Skypes her six friends, I don't know what to think any more. They probably don't even say 'down with the kids' these days, do they? As I sit here, concerned about the ever-growing number of grey hairs on my head, I'm seriously starting to worry about how out-of-touch I clearly am with the youth of today. Hell, I didn't even know you could Skype six people at once.
Spooks The TV Show was always a cut above regular television. Each of its 10 series was densely plotted with subterfuge, moral dilemmas and shock deaths, but even if you immediately lost track of the complicated details within, you could still enjoy the tension, twists and conspiracies at a surface level. But how does that all translate to the big screen for Spooks The Movie? Do we have a Hollywoodised version with airborne car chases and a Jay-Z soundtrack? Nah. All that we have here is really just more of the same. The question is: is that necessarily a bad thing?
Place your bets on how many minutes of screen time Robert De Niro gets in this new thriller. Twelve? Seven? Three? I'll wager that co-star Mark-Paul Gosselaar (aka Zack from Saved By The Bell) gets more lines.
Posted by Ali Gray
at 22:10 on 28 Apr 2015
The Asylum is back, and this time it's shilling two turds with one groan. Both superhero films AND live-action fairy tales get the rip-off treatment in a film that has little to do with either. But where there's scantily-clad actresses and Lou Ferrigno, there's hope and wonder to be crushed. SPOILERS.
Posted by Ali Gray
at 22:40 on 26 Apr 2015
The first Avengers movie broke records when it scored a fucking massive domestic opening weekend of $204.7 million fucking dollars, but sequel Age Of Ultron looks like it might make even more fucking money than that, with a fucking astonishing take of $201.2 million fucking dollars internationally - and that's before the fucking thing has even fucking opened in America.
Avengers: Age Of Ultron is in cinemas this week, hooray! The Marvel Cinematic Universe is now so large it feels like it needs its own transportation system to navigate it adequately - that's our terrible segue for introducing our very own Marvel-themed Central London Tube map, created for reasons we can't quite remember!
Now that everything is at least 140 minutes long, I applaud any film that does its thing for an hour and a half, gets the job done then fucks off home. The content of those 90 minutes is irrelevant really. It could be a dead goose for an hour then a man eating a Bounty for the rest. So well done, The Salvation, Danish western that you somehow are, for not hanging around too long. And for being generally all right in a forgettable sort of a way, too.
For how much longer can superhero films rule the box office? Everyone's waiting for comic-book movies to implode, and while it probably won't happen with one disastrous misfire that has a big Comic Sans 'Ker-dunk!' hanging overhead, this second Avengers assembly would seem like the logical start of a more gradual decline. After all, genre fatigue is already setting in, and The Avengers' USP - superhero all-stars teaming up for one mega-big movie - is no longer a fresh, never-before-seen idea. Just in terms of living up to the sheer excitement levels of its predecessors, Avengers: Age Of Ultron would already seem like a failure.
The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies is released today on DVD and Blu-ray meaning that we can all finally enjoy, not just the Hobbit trilogy, but Peter Jackson's entire Tolkien saga in our own homes. So who wants to join me in a movie marathon that could end up outlasting time itself?