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Review: The Hitman's Bodyguard

Posted by Matt Looker at 08:00 on 16 Aug 2017
The Hitman's Bodyguard
After years of us all running hot and cold on Ryan Reynolds ("Van Wilder yay! Green Lantern boo! The Proposal yay! Shut up. Er… Green Lantern boo!"), it’s great that the success of Deadpool has now finally shown us once and for all that he is an unquestionably talented comic genius. Now that this has been established, we can look forward to many, many films of Reynolds’ "What the fuck?!"-ing and "I know, right?"-ing in every cinema for several decades to come, safe in the knowledge that this is definitely what makes for a good, quality movie. 

Dear James Cameron, please stop encouraging Terminator sequels, ta

Posted by Ali Gray at 07:00 on 14 Aug 2017
Dear James Cameron, please stop encouraging Terminator sequels, ta
This is not a hit-piece on James Cameron. I love James Cameron. I think Terminator 2 is one of the best films of all time. I held the first screening of True Lies in London for 20 years. I cried at Titanic. I will vigorously defend the concept of the Avatar sequels to the hilt. But this is not a love letter to James Cameron either. This is a sternly worded warning to James Cameron that politely requests he stops encouraging, endorsing and/or making Terminator movies. I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed.

Review: Atomic Blonde

Posted by Ed Williamson at 07:00 on 11 Aug 2017
Atomic Blonde
I'd have been cool if I lived in Berlin in the Cold War. You would've been too: we would've smoked constantly and worn elegantly distressed charity-shop peacoats and listened to Bowie in a Lada. Maybe we could've been happy there, you and me.

Review: Shin Godzilla

Posted by Becky Suter at 09:00 on 10 Aug 2017
Review: Shin Godzilla
I love this monster and his curvy body. As a teenager, I was often teased by my friends for my attraction to amphibians on the giant side, ones who were bigger and scalier, monsters that the average (basic) film-goer might refer to as "scary" or even "ridiculous."

Rewriting the synopsis of Our Souls At Night, the title of an actual film

Posted by Ali Gray at 23:00 on 09 Aug 2017
Rewriting the synopsis of Our Souls At Night, the title of an actual film
If you are British, you are probably already laughing at that title. If you're American, you're probably wondering what all the fuss is about. If so, please read this tweaked synopsis, which I punched up to play to the film's biggest strength: its amazing title.

I'm going to make Demolition Man 2 happen, just watch, I'll bloody do it

Posted by Ali Gray at 23:40 on 08 Aug 2017
I'm going to make Demolition Man 2 happen, just watch, I'll bloody do it
This isn't going to be one of those cringeworthy, 'Dear Hollywood, you should make a sequel to one of my favourite movies, so here is my idea for that sequel, so let me know when you are planning to make it' type fan posts. No. This is an entirely serious discussion about the viability of a Demolition Man sequel, complete with my proposal for a sequel, along with- shit, wait, that's exactly what it is.

Check out the poster for Bruce Willis' new movie, Death Wash

Posted by Matt Looker at 09:00 on 07 Aug 2017
Check out the poster for Bruce Willis' new movie, Death Wash
He wants the filth off the streets! He's planning to clean up the city! Etc!

Review: Maudie

Posted by Ed Williamson at 07:00 on 01 Aug 2017
Maudie
Since Maudie is a film whose hat hangs largely on its two main performances, and since the critics on the posters are starting to talk about Oscars for them, let's have a word about performances and whether there's any value in qualifying them.

Secret perks of being a Rotten Tomatoes approved film critic

Posted by Ali Gray at 07:00 on 31 Jul 2017
Secret perks of being a Rotten Tomatoes approved film critic
Everyone knows Rotten Tomatoes, the review-aggregator website that tells you whether a movie is rubbish or brilliant. But what exactly does it mean to become a Rotten Tomatoes-approved publication? What power does it give you? What perks does it afford, apart from the obvious increase in pheromones that attract the opposite sex? Join us as we lay bare the secret perks of being Tomatometer-approved.

Review: Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets

Posted by Matt Looker at 07:00 on 27 Jul 2017
Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets
Anyone who has read this site's review of Jupiter Ascending or pretty much any of the Transformer films will know that we tend to be more lenient than most when it comes to over-ambitious sci-fi epics. We forgive atrocious dialogue and overlong running times in order to reward dumb fun alien shit. So, frankly, Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets is lucky to have us, because this is a movie in which legendary filmmaker Luc Besson doesn't bother looking at the script twice nor his watch once while he continuously plays with an endless line-up of CGI distractions. This is him procrastinating with his own imagination in the same way that you or I would dick about on Twitter rather than get on with any real work. This is Luc Besson's Faff Element.
Out this week
+Atomic Blonde (15)
Our review
+Shin Godzilla (12A)
Our review
+A Ghost Story (12A)
+Annabelle: Creation (15)
+Overdrive (12A)
+Pawn Sacrifice (12)