Fast & Furious 7 [car verb]s its way into cinemas this week, meaning movie sites are rolling out their bi-annual Fast & Furious feature ideas. Rather than a highly subjective ranking of all seven Fast & Furious movies in order of their perceived quality, which is entirely dependant on the individual taste of the author, we thought we'd try something a little less arbitrary. So, we present to you, our ranking of the seven Fast & Furious movies based on the order in which they were released. There's precisely zero room for debate. Strap yourselves in!
The first trailer for Spectre is finally here and it shows Bond facing his toughest mission yet: sorting through his loft, getting startled by two birds and then attending a board meeting. But look closer and you'll also see some cleverly hidden Easter eggs referencing Bond films of the past. Even the shit ones!
For the first time since its inception in 2001, the Fast & Furious franchise was forced to hit the brakes. The unfortunate – but avoidable – death of Paul Walker in an automobile accident in November 2013 meant production on Part 7 skidded to a halt. Now, one year on from its planned release, Furious 7 rides into town after a respectful re-pimping – the muted colours on the poster suggests a star-studded funeral procession, but in actual fact, the latest instalment of The Franchise That Couldn't Slow Down is business as usual: cars, explosions, pecs (men), gussets (women), crap jokes and the most flagrant disrespect for physics since Sir Isaac Newton's naysayers suggested he stick his apple up his arse. You wouldn't call it a fitting tribute to Walker – I'm pretty sure the last thing his family needs to see is 250 cars exploding into fireballs – but you suspect it's what he, the fans and the studio would have wanted. So here we are. Amber turned to green. Let's go.
God forbid I should ever have kids, because according to the latest glut of teen movies (Hunger Games, Maze Runner et al) I'd be condemning them to a future where they have to compete in some kind of experimental death fight just to survive. And you can bet any money my offspring won't be 'The One' who can save humanity; knowing my luck they'd probably join the dark side just because they get the better outfits.
By now you've probably already seen the teaser poster for Spectre, complained about how it's just a picture of a man standing up wearing clothes and moved on with your life. But did you really look at it? Because if you really look at it hard enough, so hard your eyes start to hurt, then you'll find a number of sexy secrets that you'll definitely want to share with your friends so the article goes viral.