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Day-Lewis retirement "only research for role as retiree"

Posted by Ed Williamson at 14:00 on 23 Jun 2017
Day-Lewis retirement "only research for role as retiree"
Daniel Day-Lewis is to retire from acting in order to prepare for a forthcoming role in Paul Thomas Anderson's The Retiree.

David Tennant signs three-year contract to star exclusively in shite movies

Posted by Ali Gray at 07:30 on 22 Jun 2017
David Tennant signs three-year contract to star exclusively in shite movies
Actor David Tennant today signed an exclusive three-year contract to star only in shite movies that you wouldn't watch in a million years, not even if you were on a plane, but you guess that somebody must be watching, somewhere.

Review: Transformers: The Last Knight

Posted by Ali Gray at 00:50 on 21 Jun 2017
Transformers: The Last Knight
Michael Bay finally did it: he exploded history. Not content with retconning the dinosaurs in the last part of his ever-growing Transformers universe, Bay has now officially changed the course of human history. The Last Knight not only rewrites Arthurian legend (myth, history, whatever), it puts an Autobot spin on World War II, the mystery of Stonehenge and even Stephen Hawking, via scenes that stretch from the depths of outer space to the bottom of the ocean. It's a miracle there isn't a scene where we find out Jesus was a robot too: the Crucifixicon. It is, I shouldn't have to say but will, an extraordinary payload of absolute horseshit: a Buster Gonad-style wheelbarrow of bollocks that will leave you flabbergasted as to how incoherent, lazy and contemptuous it is. I should say, however, that I haven't laughed so much in a cinema in years.

Review: Baby Driver

Posted by Matt Looker at 13:00 on 20 Jun 2017
Baby Driver
I don’t envy Edgar Wright. I mean, I do, obviously. He’s stupidly talented, hangs out with cool Hollywood people and totally rocks the kind of facial hair you’d normally only see on a second-year arts grad student. But he is also under an awful lot of pressure to meet impossibly high expectations considering his relatively short film résumé. Think about it: two cult comedy classics, followed by the visually-impressive-but-niche Scott Pilgrim, and then a quick return to close off the Cornetto Trilogy. That’s it. Now everyone is ready to hail this new Edgar Wright movie as the champion of the summer, but what even IS an ‘Edgar Wright movie’?

The 13 most incredible sentences from Wikipedia's plot synopsis of Transformers: Age Of Extinction

Posted by Ali Gray at 23:20 on 19 Jun 2017
The 13 most incredible sentences from Wikipedia's plot synopsis of Transformers: Age Of Extinction
I am just a man. I don't claim to be perfect. So even when I stun strangers with my sick film trivia knowledge and straight up dunk on the critics with my professionally-honed reviewing skills, know that there are still gaps in my viewing history. I have never seen Citizen Kane, for example, possibly due to a highly comedic mixup where, for a good few years, I thought it was a sitcom starring Robert Lindsay. I have never seen a David Lynch film, principally because I think I hate him, but still. Never have I ever seen a Kristoff Kieslowski film. I don't even know if that's how you spell his name, and I didn't even bother to check. And so, I humbly admit to you, precious reader, that I have never seen Transformers: Age Of Extinction. For shame.

It's fine everyone, the DVD rental market is alive and well!

Posted by Ali Gray at 16:00 on 18 Jun 2017
It's fine everyone, the DVD rental market is alive and well!
And I have anecdotal evidence! Join me, as I tell you what I did on my holid- no, wait, come back!

17 random observations on Wonder Woman because a review posted this late would just seem sarcastic

Posted by Ali Gray at 22:00 on 17 Jun 2017
17 random observations on Wonder Woman because a review posted this late would just seem sarcastic
I saw Wonder Woman about two weeks ago. Then I wrote some stuff about it that I couldn't coalesce into a coherent review. Then I got into that Netflix show about the dead nun. Then I went on holiday. And now, I give that incoherent gibberish to you, dear reader.

What is Tom Cruise's top secret Mission Impossible 6 stunt?

Posted by Ali Gray at 23:50 on 05 Jun 2017
What is Tom Cruise's top secret Mission Impossible 6 stunt?
Tom Cruise has been hard at work getting ready to film his biggest stunt yet for the forthcoming sixth Mission: Impossible movie. But what could it be? Is he jumping off something? Jumping into something? Jumping under something? Jumping sort of off to the side of something? More situation-based guesses after the jump.

Review: It Was Fifty Years Ago Today! The Beatles: Sgt Pepper & Beyond

Posted by Ed Williamson at 16:00 on 29 May 2017
It Was Fifty Years Ago Today! The Beatles: Sgt Pepper & Beyond
Where Ron Howard's Eight Days a Week ends, as the teenage screams die down after the last chord struck at Candlestick Park, Alan G Parker's new documentary begins. Timed to coincide with Sgt Pepper's fiftieth anniversary and hoping to catch the wave of tributes and looks-back that will go along with it, it takes us from the end of Beatlemania into the start of the studio years and through the recording of their most significant album. And it doesn't come near to doing it justice.

Review: Baywatch

Posted by Ed Williamson at 23:30 on 24 May 2017
Baywatch
One of the many wonderful things about living on the same planet as Zac Efron is that he knows when and how to take his shirt off. It is a rare talent to look like he does with his abs out, accept that directors are going to want him to get his top off at least twice a film, and then to do so with enough of a sense of self-mockery that you don't think he's an absolute bell-end. Self-awareness is what got him and his co-star The Rock where they are today, and so a riff on Baywatch, sending up how daft it was, feels like just the ticket. So why isn't it sillier?
Out this week
+Transformers: The Last Knight (12A)
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