Place your bets on how many minutes of screen time Robert De Niro gets in this new thriller. Twelve? Seven? Three? I'll wager that co-star Mark-Paul Gosselaar (aka Zack from Saved By The Bell) gets more lines.
The Asylum is back, and this time it's shilling two turds with one groan. Both superhero films AND live-action fairy tales get the rip-off treatment in a film that has little to do with either. But where there's scantily-clad actresses and Lou Ferrigno, there's hope and wonder to be crushed. SPOILERS.
The first Avengers movie broke records when it scored a fucking massive domestic opening weekend of $204.7 million fucking dollars, but sequel Age Of Ultron looks like it might make even more fucking money than that, with a fucking astonishing take of $201.2 million fucking dollars internationally - and that's before the fucking thing has even fucking opened in America.
Avengers: Age Of Ultron is in cinemas this week, hooray! The Marvel Cinematic Universe is now so large it feels like it needs its own transportation system to navigate it adequately - that's our terrible segue for introducing our very own Marvel-themed Central London Tube map, created for reasons we can't quite remember!
The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies is released today on DVD and Blu-ray meaning that we can all finally enjoy, not just the Hobbit trilogy, but Peter Jackson's entire Tolkien saga in our own homes. So who wants to join me in a movie marathon that could end up outlasting time itself?
People think the Oscars marks the end of awards season in Hollywood, but people are stupid and ugly and wrong and old, because the MTV Movie Awards happened over the weekend and it sure looked like they were giving out awards to me. With Selma actor David Oyelowo suffering more heartbreak with defeat at the hands of The Maze Runner's Dylan O'Brien and Jennifer Lopez triumphing in the 'Best Scared As Shit Performance' category, it was an evening of high tension and very serious drama. Join us as we expose a leaked document that reveals the categories already selected for next year's 2016 Movie Awards, hosted by, I don't know, Drake or something.
I mean, apart from the fact that Arnold Schwarzenegger's character absolutely has to appear in all of them and he will at some point, without fail, sustain an injury that destroys half his face exposing one iconic red eye. Apart from that, it's a totally new concept. (*waits for 'Hasta la Vista' scene*)