Horror

Review: [Rec] 2

With equal measures of exhilaration and irritation, your enjoyment of [Rec] 2 will most likely depend on how comfortable you are watching a nauseatingly-paced videogame at the cinema. Kids today love that shit though, and you want to be down with the kids too, right? Yeah, you'll love this shit.

Review: A Nightmare on Elm Street

Ok, I'll admit it: I was kidding myself. Blinded by a love of 80s horror, I argued vehemently that this was one franchise that would benefit from, nay, deserved a remake. “Krueger can still be relevant to modern audiences,” I said. “The dreamscape terrors would look awesome when rendered with CGI”. And yet, for all the heavy-handed jumps and unnecessary gore on display, the biggest shock of the film turned out to be my own disappointment in it.

Review: The House Of The Devil

1983 is a strange year in which to set your retro love-letter to horror. Gore nostalgia fans will note that the slasher hey-day was a few years previous. 1983 saw a slew of misfiring sequels to previously popular franchises; Halloween III, Jaws 3D, Psycho II and some tacky Stephen King adaptations.

Michael Myers unmasked in alternate Halloween II ending

Terrible movie gets terrible alternate ending even worse than the terrible one you'll see on the terrible DVD. See it here!

Review: The Descent: Part II

Although the premise of these films involves groups of people going very much in a downwards direction, this sequel has one hell of an upward journey if it is to match the sheer tension and claustrophobia of Neil Marshall's 2005 original.

Review: Paranormal Activity

What happens when you sleep? So asked Israeli-born filmmaker Oren Peli, who, after moving into a suburban San Diego tract house, discovered that odd, unsettling things began to occur in the house. Books inexplicably fell off of shelves. Strange noises were heard in the night… but whereas lesser mortals may have called in a priest or even a Ghostbuster, Peli thought that living in a spook house might make for a nice little horror flick.

Review: Saw VI

Watching Saw movies at the cinema is like my own personal form of self-abuse. I hate them, but I can't stop watching them. They are resolutely terrible from start to finish, but I look forward to disliking them, and enjoy writing about how bad they are. Perhaps it's my turn to be put into a torture trap for being a cog in this ever-turning wheel of cine-shit.

Review: Halloween II

Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Sliced, diced and buried. Friday The 13th? Unlucky for all. A Nightmare On Elm Street? Marked for death. The recent stab of horror remakes have certainly yielded grisly results.

Review: Sorority Row

Some films require endless analysis to be understood and appreciated; others merely require consumption. Sorority Row is most definitely the latter. Very little effort was put into writing and shooting it, so very little effort will be put into reviewing it.

Review: The Final Destination

There's a simple formula to stick to when making a Final Destination movie. One: find yourself some young, unknown American TV actors. Two: one of them must have a gruesome vision of their own death, dragging their mates down with them. Three: they cheat death. Four: the ol' Grim Reaper starts picking them off one by one in various weird and wonderful ways. And if you fancy it, throw in some boobs. Roll credits.