Netflix

News, Reviews & Features
  • Review: Spenser Confidential is a bad film so I wrote a bad review

    Movie Review | Luke Whiston | 20th March 2020

    This is going to be one of those reviews that mostly just describes what happens in the film, with no real insight into the plot or themes - not that there are much of either - but it's the only way I can think to get across how monumentally idiotic Spenser Confidential is. Another way would be telling you it's a direct-to-Netflix action movie starring Mark Wahlberg and directed by Peter Berg and letting you make up your own mind, but I had to suffer through it and now so do you.

  • Review: Girl on the Third Floor builds a solid foundation, oozes potential

    Movie Review | Luke Whiston | 2nd March 2020

    I'm glad this film came to Netflix because it's given me a chance to talk about one of my obsessions: house sizes in American horror movies. They're so huge! Are all houses over there that big? They all seem to have a basement that goes on forever, and a loft you can stand up in with floorboards and windows. I mean they're perfect for horror - lots of spooky corners for ghosts to jump out of. Here in the UK our houses are tiny and the walls are thin; if you so much as put your cup of tea down too loudly you can hear the people next door tut. So why are American houses so big? Is this what happens when you get to choose between having a larger house or living with a debilitating illness?

  • Review: Horse Girl opts for style over substance, but it's a close-run race

    Movie Review | Luke Whiston | 12th February 2020

    If making lots of one thing is an objective measure of goodness, then Netflix are really good at these thrillers where the protagonist is having a tough time clinging on to reality. Yes I know sometimes they just buy the distribution righ- ...hang on, this is my intro to Earthquake Bird. Ok, well as broadly similar as Horse Girl is to all those other films, there are a few things setting it apart worth talking about. So let's saddle up pardner and giddy on up to the re-he-view! *yeehaws on chair in Costa, falls off, breaks pensioner's hip*

  • Review: Messiah asks if a new God is the real deal, or a very naughty boy?

    TV Review | Luke Whiston | 22nd January 2020

    Ooh who is he? Where does he come from? How did he get here? Is he a con artist? How does he have all this insider knowledge? Can he read minds? Was he sent by God? Can he actually perform miracles? Or is he a terrorist? Is he going to start a war? Will he unite religions and heal the world? But more important than all of the above: how does he keep his hair looking so luxurious?

  • Review: The Two Popes entertains, occasionally enlightens

    Movie Review | Luke Whiston | 15th January 2020

    They're just two normal fellas, these guys. Sure they live in gigantic palaces and take part in rituals affecting the lives of millions of people based on doctrines written hundreds of years ago in the belief a giant bearded ghost man watches everything you do in the bathroom, but they like a pint just like you and I. Who cares if you're expected to bow and kiss their ring to show respect else you'll go to hell if they like to watch the big match? They're just two normal fellas. Two normal fellas in charge of a 2000-year-old nonce festival.

  • Review: Marriage Story battles for the high ground but risks sanctimony

    Movie Review | Luke Whiston | 31st December 2019

    Relationships are weird. You come to them as a pair of individuals, both trying to find common threads while maintaining individuality. Then you move in together and over time adjust to each other's idiosyncrasies, forming new habits based on a shared life, until one day you realise you're a completely different person. Later if you decide to wave goodbye to sleep for about fifteen years by having children it adds an adorable layer of walking on eggshells to proceedings. The only way to really make it work is to be totally open about your thoughts and feelings - keeping secrets is just asking for trouble - so if/when things fall apart and you're held to account for your part in the failure you get to gloat over that deceitful snake (just kidding, honey - L for Love!).

  • Review: Hail Satan? takes God-bothering to devilish new levels

    Movie Review | Luke Whiston | 24th December 2019

    I'm still not sure the subjects of Penny Lane's documentary Hail Satan? are taking themselves entirely seriously. But then again they've got nothing to lose, and everything to gain as they take their cause - recognition of The Satanic Temple as a valid religious entity - up against a system of governance entrenched with Christianity in America. Let's see how that goes shall we.

  • Review: Atlantics is a haunting ghost tale with real world origins

    Movie Review | Luke Whiston | 19th December 2019

    If there's one thing common across the various cultures that have emerged on earth since we became organised enough to herd ourselves into us and them, it's the screwing over of the little folk by their wealthy masters. The practice is a perfect underpinning for cautionary social tales, and has become a staple of storytelling, used to pass warnings about the corrupting nature of power down to successive generations. So obviously since these injustices have been well documented on cave walls, stone tablets, parchments and GeoCities websites throughout the annals of time, and we live in an enlightened era of instant communication with masses of knowledge at our fingertips, we're equipped to prevent this sort of thing happening ever again. Right? Oh.

  • Review: The Knight Before Christmas in excuse for rambling film article

    Movie Review | Luke Whiston | 1st December 2019

    Ahh Christmas; the season of feelgood movies, peace and love to all, chestnuts roasting by an open fire, dressing gowns and comfy slippers, aisles of biscuit tins in Wilko, the excitement of the first snowflake, glitter, novelty plastic tat destined for a landfill, forcing yourself to like disgusting M&S sandwiches, family arguing about Brexit, splinters going up in the loft, more glitter, Boris Johnson what a character eh, tears as your wife's antique bauble gets smashed, fighting back consumerist guilt, the bulbs don't work, splinters coming down from the loft, kids screaming, lies upon lies about Santa, THE BULBS DON'T WORK AND SOMEONE NEEDS TO GO TO THE SHOP AND THERE'S GLITTER EVERYWHERE. It's December 1st.

  • Review: Earthquake Bird: who is he, what is his net worth, who is his wife?

    Movie Review | Luke Whiston | 25th November 2019

    If making lots of one thing is an objective measure of goodness, then Netflix are really good at these thrillers where the protagonist is having a tough time clinging on to reality. Yes I know sometimes they just buy the distribution rights. This year alone we've had Fractured, The Perfection, In The Tall Grass, and several more; it's as if their recommendation engine is stuck in a feedback loop. The 'unreliable narrator' I believe the gimmick is called, and it's a solid framework for building mysteries - just add a setting, a creepy secret, a few dead women, et voila: cinema. Well, the Netflix equivalent.