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  • Review: The Witcher is the fantasy bobbins you never knew you needed

    TV Review | Luke Whiston | 8th January 2020

    "Cheap. Fast. Good. Pick two." So goes that old maxim of the creative world. I guess what they didn't mean was "pick two things and bludgeon them into the triangle of choice with the nearest rock while screaming at it to make sense" - the two things in the case of Netflix's adaptation of The Witcher being a hollowed out Game of Thrones where we're parachuted into the lore with no explanation and left to fend for ourselves, and blinkered '90s after-school spellcasting greenscreen of death Knightmare. The result being a foul-mouthed mess that somehow defies all cynical attempts to bring it down.

  • The Apprentice: season 15, episode 11 recap: "The Lion, The Twit and The Small Globe"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 13th December 2019

    They say it’s the hope that kills you, so in that respect we’ll be ok and it will probably be the austerity that gets to us first. I mean, does anything even matter anymore? Anyway, interviews.

  • The Apprentice: season 15, episode 10 recap: "Absolute Non Scents"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 6th December 2019

    There’s only one week left until we get to the highlight of the year and Claude rips into everyone, but we have one more pointless task until then.

  • The Apprentice: season 15, episode 9 recap: "Urban Lucozade"

    TV Feature | Ed Williamson | 5th December 2019

    We're into the home straight and all of a sudden here's a task with an aspect that's quite interesting. It is of course juxtaposed by the task's other constituent parts, which are absurd and deliberately beyond the skillset of anyone involved, but you can't have everything.

  • The Apprentice: season 15, episode 8 recap: "Going Off The Rails"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 23rd November 2019

    Nothing quite strikes fear into the heart like the words, “Team-building Away Day.” I’ve been on a fair few, including my previously-mentioned visit to Thorpe Park, one where we had an It’s A Knock-Out style day in the park and two people ended up in hospital, and one with a Heroes and Villains theme where one of the sales managers blacked up as Samuel L. Jackson to deliver a presentation on streamlining processes. And none of those were as bad as being imprisoned for four hours on a train with Lottie, no matter how much booze is laid on.

  • The Apprentice: season 15, episode 7 recap: "Finn Tonne o' Tools"

    TV Feature | Ed Williamson | 20th November 2019

    When doing the just-about-iconic point, Lord Sugar's hand doesn't do what the Twitter emoji does, I've noticed. The latter extends the index finger in the same way but turns the back of its hand to face you, while the back of his hand faces skywards. Even the basics of The Apprentice's flimsy premise go uninterrogated, and yet still my demands for a DCMS select committee hearing go ignored.

  • The Apprentice: season 15, episode 6 recap: "The Vomit Comet"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 7th November 2019

    Nothing good ever happens at theme parks. The last time I went to Thorpe Park was on a corporate away day, when instead of going on any rides, we were forced into groups and do a painful team-building exercise around the park. In a rather unsettling act of fate, it was the same day that there was the horrific accident at Alton Towers on the Smiler ride. During the debriefing session, the head of HR stood on the stage and made a pretty off-colour joke, as we were trying to present how the treasure hunt aligned with the company’s business principles, which was trying not to acknowledge the fact that two of the (married) managers were clearly trying to get off with each other. This has nothing to do with this week’s recap, much in the same way that The Apprentice has very little to do with business.

  • The Apprentice: season 15, episode 5 recap: "Ryan, Lion, Zion"

    TV Feature | Ed Williamson | 3rd November 2019

    This week I had a breakthrough: I realised that the one person I thought was called Riyonn-Mark is in fact two people, one called Riyonn and one called Ryan-Mark. Stay tuned to find out whether there's another one called Mark.

  • The Apprentice: season 15, episode 4 recap: "Vicious Cycle"

    TV Feature | Becky Suter | 28th October 2019

    I don't own a bike, mainly because I'm not a massive wanker, but also because I believe that the rules of the road apply to everyone, unlike overweight marketing managers who think they're Bradley Wiggins and look like un-pricked sausages in the latest Team Sky kit, who scream at me when I dare to use a pedestrian crossing in the correct manner and slow down buses because they can't stay in one lane. But yeah, great, let's get more bikes on the road.

  • Review: Too Old To Die Young wallows in neon-soaked misery

    TV Review | Luke Whiston | 22nd October 2019

    "It's been 84 years..."
    I gaze out upon the tundra, the sun slipping over the horizon as a bitter wind blasts ice shards across the landscape. I'm reminded of the seasons which have preceded me in the days, weeks and months now consigned to the past, and of the brave men and women who have made the ultimate sacrifice on this arduous journey, of which I am the sole remaining survivor. We lost our captain early, driven mad by the unerring stillness. Five crew perished recovering a password. The first mate ventured outside searching for spare HDMI cables some days ago, never to return. But I write this final entry with a note of triumph in my heart - final, because once my frost-bitten hands have rested my pen I too shall be taking a stroll into the darkness, but not before making one last entry: I did it. I finished watching Nicolas Winding Refn's Amazon Prime Original series Too Old to Die Young.