Hello, I am a man and I am rich and famous and a bit of a dick, but watch as I earn the right to be reappraised. You will know that I deserve it because I have one old friend who sticks by me unwaveringly, I harbour regrets about having chosen an easy path towards my fame, and children react well to me.
Posted by Ali Gray
at 07:00 on 27 May 2015
The modern disaster movie is at an impasse, and no amount of hurling Dwayne Johnson at it will succeed. There isn't a disaster you can think of - whether it's from the pit of the Earth or the darkest realms of outer space - that can't be rendered by a room-full of under-fed, under-paid GFX nerds in California. The only limit, therefore, is imagination, and sadly, San Andreas is a movie that's barely capable of coherent or rational thought. Director Brad Peyton borrows a series of second-hand set-pieces from the Roland Emmerich playbook; with buildings collapsing left, right and centre, San Andreas doesn't so much evoke powerful 9/11 imagery as it recalls entire sequences from other, better movies.
Posted by Ali Gray
at 00:30 on 21 May 2015
The sole conceit of selling a movie like Tomorrowland is convincing you it's a place you need to visit – a world unlike our own where magical things happen and anything is possible. You cannot accuse of Brad Bird and screenwriter Damon Lindelof of underselling this vision of the future: the first hour of Tomorrowland is all tease and build-up and you're just as desperate to get to the promised land as the characters are. Unfortunately, Tomorrowland is a movie that cannot possibly hope to deliver on that promise; it's a movie chock-full of crackpot invention but is overcrowded with ideas that are ultimately underdeveloped. Tomorrowland is sold expertly as the land of milk and honey – it's such a shame it turns a little sour when you finally get there.
At the end of 2014, it was decreed that every film released this year must by law have at least one Game Of Thrones
actor in the cast. So far, Alfie Allen has continued his nice line as an annoying little shitbag in John Wick
; that girl who was in Hollyoaks was also in Fast & Furious 7
and Kit Harington has sat through countless interviews blank-faced as journalists tell him he knows nothing about Spooks
. Later this year, we can expect to see our favourite gentle giant star as the romantic lead opposite Katherine Heigl in 'Hodor Right Moves', but at the moment it's the turn of Lady Arya Stark herself, Maisie Williams, propping up this mysterious psychological drama about girls passing out in the 1960s. If her sister was in it, I could have maybe said it was "Sansational", but The Falling ultimately falls wide of the mark.
Before watching Unfriended – a real-time horror film that, according to IMDb, "redefines 'found footage' for a new generation of teens", I was confident that I was 'down with the kids'. But now, having sat through a film completely confined within a teenage girl's laptop as she Skypes her six friends, I don't know what to think any more. They probably don't even say 'down with the kids' these days, do they? As I sit here, concerned about the ever-growing number of grey hairs on my head, I'm seriously starting to worry about how out-of-touch I clearly am with the youth of today. Hell, I didn't even know you could Skype six people at once.
Spooks The TV Show was always a cut above regular television. Each of its 10 series was densely plotted with subterfuge, moral dilemmas and shock deaths, but even if you immediately lost track of the complicated details within, you could still enjoy the tension, twists and conspiracies at a surface level. But how does that all translate to the big screen for Spooks The Movie? Do we have a Hollywoodised version with airborne car chases and a Jay-Z soundtrack? Nah. All that we have here is really just more of the same. The question is: is that necessarily a bad thing?
Now that everything is at least 140 minutes long, I applaud any film that does its thing for an hour and a half, gets the job done then fucks off home. The content of those 90 minutes is irrelevant really. It could be a dead goose for an hour then a man eating a Bounty for the rest. So well done, The Salvation, Danish western that you somehow are, for not hanging around too long. And for being generally all right in a forgettable sort of a way, too.
For how much longer can superhero films rule the box office? Everyone's waiting for comic-book movies to implode, and while it probably won't happen with one disastrous misfire that has a big Comic Sans 'Ker-dunk!' hanging overhead, this second Avengers assembly would seem like the logical start of a more gradual decline. After all, genre fatigue is already setting in, and The Avengers' USP - superhero all-stars teaming up for one mega-big movie - is no longer a fresh, never-before-seen idea. Just in terms of living up to the sheer excitement levels of its predecessors, Avengers: Age Of Ultron would already seem like a failure.
Because it can't all be about Star Wars.
A woman near me straight-up cried at this. Call me a burnt-out husk of a man with a tin heart if you will, but I couldn't see what at. Because musical involves the naked outpouring of expository emotion through song, there is a built-in conduit for stirring up this sort of feeling, and its largely comprising big orchestral numbers with powerful maintained high notes naturally raises forearm hairs and moistens eyes too. Where musical really succeeds is in having real heart behind the bombast, though, and there's not enough of it on show in The Last Five Years.