Why vampires should bite, not suck

Dhaha, just noticed the "Vampires and shit" link on the left.

"lol"

No, I think that's just the age suggestion on the back cover

I was pleased to find out there are only 4 books. I thought there were 7+

Are you kidding - of COURSE they'll make the last book into a film. They'll tone everything right down, but they'll still make a fuckload of money from it so they don't really care what they do with it at this stage.

It hasn't been given the official greenlight yet, but the stars and screenwriter have confirmed that they'll do a Harry Potter and make TWO movies out of the last book.

That's right, this is gonna go on 'til 2012.

Wow, it sounds like Meyer was getting fed up and just went balls-out insane.

"unbelievable pedophilia"

I've just read the link from The Shiznit Twitter page about the last Twilight book and now I actually want them to make all 4 books into films. They won't though, bastards.

The South Park vampires episode gets it pretty much spot on.

Andy, I LOVE THIS ARTICLE. Having actually been a teen girl at some point, I say without hesitation that you are spot-on with your analysis. But it isn't just the teenagers who are destroying our entertainment-- there are grown women out there who fawn over this stuff, and it leaves me feeling deeply ashamed for my gender.

Give me Nosferatu any day. I guarantee you that scary bastard never sparkled.

Anyway, there's always tons of vampire stuff at any given time - a few years back it was zombies, now it's vampires, next year it'll be werewolves, blah blah blah. The circle of nerd.

The example of Let The Right One In just goes to show there's always variety out there. It's just a shame that, at the moment if you asked a man on the street what a vampire looked like, he'd probably describe ol' whey-face up there.

That's because JAMES WOODS is in it. He made a legal decree that his name must appear in capitals at all times. It didn't pass as law, but the world agreed to honour it anyway.

I would just like to add that John Carpenter's Vampires (written, produced, scored and catered by John Carpenter) is fricking awesome.

You can never go wrong by appealing to the lowest common denominator, the problem is that the lowest common denominator i.e. fucking stupid kids, have never been thicker. Had this come out 15 years ago, our generation would have seen it for the vacuous, manipulative, soulless, piece of right wing propaganda it is.

I watched Twilight. It was on Sky Movies, and even though I was against it from the outset, thought it only fair to watch it to give it a chance.

And it was shite.

Utterly vacuous shite.

Other than the frowning, nothing happens.

Some 'bad' vampires turn up towards the end. Edward warns Bella, "Don't worry, nothing will happen". Well, it hadn't in the previous 60 minutes. There's a tiny bit of action at the end, but it's terribly uninspiring.

Consider the scene where Edward wants to show Bella what he really is. He goes into the sunlight, and he shimmers in the sun. Bella says he beautiful. Seriously.

Compare Let The Right One In, when Oscar wants to see what happens when Eli enters without being invited. A scene that's horrific, and incredibly effective, and contains more emotion between a couple of 12 year olds that Twilight managed with its tortured teens.

We really should just rename the 'Rant' button to 'Andy'.

Just being aware of Twilight makes me feel ill. My problem with it is just that the story looks terrible. Cleverer men than I have already broken it down why it's such a terrible series - the girl in it is probably the worst female role model of our dumb generation.

I would say, the one exception to the rule that says 'modern vampires must suck' is True Blood. It's kind of awesome. Very much made for adults, not kids, broadcast on HBO in America. Clever exploration of vampire lore without ever forgetting vampires are utterly fucking badass at all times.

Check it out.