Jurassic Park Week: 10 abominable dinosaur movies


22nd September 2011

Dinocroc (2004)

I guess a genetically engineered crocodile the size of a bus is still a type of dinosaur. In situations like this the onus is on you to prove otherwise.

Please don't.

Planet Raptor (2007)

Imagine spending years honing your mental and physical reflexes, joining NASA, and becoming one of the lucky few who gets blasted into space... only to wind up as an extra on a rescue mission to a planet inhabited by velociraptors. That would really suck. As does the entirety of Planet Raptor, but if you can hold a grudge against a film with the tagline "the beasts are still hungry, it's been ages since breakfast" then maybe it's you who is the real monster. Dinosaur. Whatever.

Adventures In Dinosaur City (1992)

Hey, kids! It's all your favourite, totally happenin' dino-freakazoids! Radical! Let's all go skitching! Far-out! Wanna trade Denver The Last Dinosaur toys? Groovy! Anyone for a Prehysteria! 1, 2 & 3 marathon? Gnarly! Etc. Just fucking embarrassing.

Pterodactyl (2005)

It's easy to laugh at movies that are, shall we say 'ability-challenged', but Pterodactyl appears to be the culmination of a series of tragic falls from grace. You've got the bizarre inclusion of Coolio, who could only manage second-billing. Then Jessica Ferrarone, who must have thought her career was on the up after landing a small part in Collateral the year before (Pterodactyl was her last credited film - it came out in 2005). But if anyone deserves your sympathy, it's Mark L. Lester: he directed Commando.

The Eden Formula (2006)

The Eden Formula loses all Internet points for not only being the worst dinosaur movie in existence, but also for being a contender for Worst Movie Of All Time Ever Ever. Then it gains them all back again plus infinity for the frankly amazing alternative title: Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.

RAWR! This week on TheShiznit.co.uk is Jurassic Park Week, because it's my favourite film ever and it's getting a limited theatrical re-release on the 23rd September. Be sure to pre-order the Blu-ray boxset, which is released on 24th October.

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