Six opponent suggestions for Mark Wahlberg in The Fighter 2


17th January 2012

Ok, we know The Fighter 2 will actually feature Micky Ward's bouts against Arturo Gatti, but I'm just saying maybe they could think outside the box a little? I mean, I'm just spitballing here...

Whatever you think of Mark Wahlberg's boxing biopic, it's fair to say The Fighter something something knockout. Picking up two Oscars and winning critical acclaim, it's no surprise that we can now expect a sequel. But whereas the first film presented a comparison between Micky Ward's achievements in the ring and his brother's own fight against addiction, the sequel looks set to show the Ward/Gatti trilogy of bouts.

I'm not saying these aren't a worthy subject for a film - I wouldn't know, I have no idea what an Arturo Gatti is - but wouldn't it be better if Marky Mark faced off against these tricky opponents instead?

Every advert, poster and review screamed that The Fighter was the best boxing film since Rocky (conveniently forgetting about Raging Bull), so what better way to settle who's top dog than a match between the two meat-headed protagonists? And, y'know, why not make it a fight to the death, just to ramp up the stakes? Hey, if Micky Ward lasts through enough rounds, Rocky might die anyway from natural causes.
The rest of the Funky Bunch

Clearly embarrassed by his own shirtless pop past, Marky Mark has done everything he can to make people forget that he used to breakdance in a shellsuit. But what if his own backing group took issue with his abandonment of their music career? More importantly, how cool would it be if Wahlberg was forced to fight each Funky Bunch member sequentially like in Kill Bill? The critics would love this compelling struggle of a man who's past has come back to haunt him, and we would get to see the world's goofiest tag team.

As in any beat-em-up game, there always comes a time when your character has a one-on-one match with a Player 2 version of himself. So who would win in a fight between Micky Ward and Micky Ward? Well that depends on who knows the most combo moves. Pressing X, X, Up, Back, Forward, Down will cause Micky to do a roundhouse kick while on fire. Yes, in real life too.
The wind

Poor Mark is still trying to live down cinema's most laughable shitstain The Happening, which saw him run away from...er...wind. So what better way to banish the memory than to face off against his greatest foe once and for all? And in a Shyamalan-inspired film twist, the wind actually just turns out to be the spirit of Ward's dead mother. All she wanted was a hug.

The fight against cancer has been ongoing for many years with too little progress made...so it's time to call in Mark Wahlberg's big guns. As he undergoes intense training for the film, we've never had a better chance to kick cancer's arse.

When beloved brother Dicky gets on the wrong side of a dodgy drug dealer and is killed, Micky vows to use his boxing powers for good, the only way he knows how: fighting in a a ring while following the standard WBA rules and regulations. Basically, it's the same film as before but this time he wears a cape.

Follow us on Twitter @The_Shiznit for more fun features, film reviews and occasional commentary on what the best type of crisps are.
We are using Patreon to cover our hosting fees. So please consider chucking a few digital pennies our way by clicking on this link. Thanks!

Share This