Terribrill - Congo (1995)

Our semi-regular feature in which we pick fleas from movies so far down the evolutionary scale, they make The Hills Have Eyes look like The Hills Have iPads. In this instalment, we go apeshit for the underrated Congo.

If you ever need conclusive proof that people are mad, then look no further than the IMDb rating for Congo. 4.6/10. A fucking travesty. Directed by Frank "The Sixth Sense" Marshall during that period when a CGI special effect sequence could still command a free 'how dey do dat?' VHS through collecting newspaper vouchers, Congo forgoes all subtletly in favour of barrelling through an escalating series of improbable events, until reaching the very apex of cinema itself: killer apes versus laser guns.

There isn't an Oscar for 'Most Balls-out Awesome Movie Ever', but if there were, Congo would be sitting alongside such shining beacons as Big Trouble In Little China and The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai Across The 8th Dimension. It's got everything: mysterious jungle ruins, vicious ape maulings, Bruce Campbell, exploding satellites, a very MILFy-looking Laura Linney, hippo attacks, Winston Zeddmore, that guy from Memento, that guy from True Lies and Tim Curry doing that accent.

There's a lot to absorb. Nearly every scene contains a guilty treat of some kind, and in the rare moments when a plane isn't crashing, or a skull being smashed, the rather tastefully presented jungle vistas more than make up for the lack of action. But then it's got no excuses; one of the bigger-budget movies of the mid-90s, Congo should have at the very least been entertaining, and whilst that's open for debate (c'mon, it's got killer apes getting laser tagged!) there's no doubt you get value for money.

It's a genuinely funny film too, with more than a few titters raised from the absurd situations the characters find themselves in. Where else can you see a gorilla with the power of sign-language given a martini before later going skydiving? Ernie Hudson is a great watch as the Great White Hunter (who just so happens to be black) Captain Kelly, but it's Tim Curry who steals the show as the hilariously transparent Herkermer Homolka - a creepy, obsessive diamond hunter, who even Dr. Frank-N-Furter would balk at inviting to the next gang-bang.

Despite the impressive scenery and dynamic set-pieces, Congo is very much an ensemble film. Characters come and go quickly, but they all make memorable impressions and contribute towards a grander sense of scale outside the confines of the jungle. Linney is both sexy and hard-nosed as the ex-CIA agent Dr. Karen Ross, whilst Dylan Walsh's geeky-yet-likeable Dr. Peter Elliot should be annoying but isn't. Of course they're all massive walking cliches, but somehow the performances are weighted just enough to not become totally laughable. Well, except for Curry.

So Congo is well-shot, action-packed and funny, which begs the ultimate question: why the hell does everyone love to hate on this film so much? Could it be in Marshall's rush to bring so much of the novel to life he packed too much into too small a timeframe? There's definitely a lot going on, but then a lot happens in Star Wars and everyone seems to like that. Were the, admittedly rubbish, ape costumes a deal-breaker for the audience? Maybe Marshall and Curry should re-unite to take Homolka on one last metaphysical adventure, where they try to solve the unanswerable riddle of Why Everybody Hates Congo For No Good Reason.

Agree? Disagree? Why not sling shit at us in the comments and see what you get in return. We'll be back soon with more reflections on movies that put the "moron" in oxymoron. But for now here's a fact: watching Congo is such a deeply religious experience for Donkey Kong, he doesn't even care if you can see the erection in his banana hammock. Goodnight!