Movie poster round-up: keepers, countdowns and communism

It's fitting that on the closing day of the Olympics we should set a record of our own: fourteen posters covered in the weekly poster round-up, with a sarcastic joke for each - a personal best! Eat your heart out, Jim Davidson. No seriously please literally do that, it would be an amazing sight.

There's something about a bunch of rich and sexy Hollywood actors taking a sneery look at various fortunes over the course of 10 Years that makes me think "fuck you, Channing Tatum".


"I went for the transsexual because I felt like when the door opens and you see that it's me, it should get a 'Yuck!'" - Ron Perlman there, endearing himself to transsexuals everywhere in an interview for 3, 2, 1... Frankie Go Boom.


Now wait a minute, Antivirus poster; you can't go claiming a film is "from the mind of Brandon Cronenberg" when he's pretty much untested as a feature director. What grounds do you have it on that's something we should be excited about? At best you can boast "from the scrotal sack of David Cronenberg". Actually, stick with the mind thing.


At least if Bait turns out to be as terrible as this poster tagline, we can never say it wasn't consistent.


I've got to say, the trailer for school/MMA-based Here Comes The Boom doesn't look all that bad. It may even be the movie that finally allows me to accept Kevin James. And I'm not just saying that because he toned up for the role and looks like he could kick my head in now. But please don't tell him about the time I drew a big spunking penis on a Zookeeper poster.


Funnily enough, this poster for Home Sweet Home is almost identical to a birthday card my mum sent me one year - right down to the message.


Wow, what a mess. The remake of Red Dawn was originally scheduled for release in 2010, before money woes at MGM meant not releasing films made more financial sense. Then eyebrows were raised about the use of China as the invading nation, so they edited dialogue, re-shot scenes and digitally altered the entire film to turn the bad guys into... North Korea. But now it's here and everyone seems happy enough with the results. Except probably North Koreans. And all the Chinese people presumably offended by Hollywood assuming nobody can tell them apart. Way to start World War 3, Chris Hemsworth!


Liberal Arts is much more catchy than the original title: Josh Radnor's Big Book Of Life Lessons.


If just the poster for Playing For Keeps is enough to make me laugh and cry at the same time, I'm not sure I could handle the film itself without having to be commited to an asylum by the time the credits roll.


The Imposter looks like that episode of The Twilight Zone where Katherine Heigl travels back in time on a mission to kill Adolf Hitler as a baby, which she does by jumping in a river and drowning them both - after which a maid who witnessed everything buys a baby from a crazy gypsy lady and returns it to the empty cot, and that baby grows up to be Hitler. An ironic and catastrophic turn of events, born from an attempt to cheat history in the Twilight Zone.

According to wikipedia The Revenant came out in 2009, so I don't know why this poster is doing the rounds this week but I am glad that it is. I would definitely queue this on Netflix.


Can you believe there's already a budget UK remake of Trouble With The Curve in the works? It's been renamed 'The Trouble With Women' and Clint Eastwood's baseball scout character is now a sports commentator.


Kathryn Bigelow's Zero Dark Thirty chronicles the decade-long manhunt for Osama Bin Laden, culminating in the special forces raid that ended in his death. So does that make it an unwitting prequel to Osombie? Hope they do a boxset!


And finally; this new poster for Skyfall comes in both group and individual flavours, so I put them in all a big grid for you to pick from - just like the tubs at an ice cream parlour. I would actually kill for an ice cream right now, but the nearest thing we've got here is the Ice Cream Factory at Pizza Hut. Is it weird for an adult man to go to Pizza Hut on his own and just get the Ice Cream Factory? Be right back.