Smell the glove, Ryan

Lookee, lots of new posters for Ryan Gosling's Drive have been released - it's almost like the movie's marketing department are rubbing the fact I haven't seen it yet in my face.

Judging by its posters, Drive would appear to be a movie with an identity crisis. I mean, FOUR logos? (*shakes head*). The premise is simple - strong-and-silent-type Ryan Gosling works as a stuntman by day but a getaway driver by night. It's basically an arthouse Fast & Furious.


I'm gagging to see it (hint hint) because it's had rave reviews from every bugger who has. I'm still not convinced The Gos-Gos has what it takes to be a screen badass (actual quote from this month's Total Film interview: "I don't want to tell you what fans say. Their secrets are safe with me!") but I'm more than willing to be proved wrong. Anyway, here's the first thing I thought of when I saw these Drive posters, because the first things I think of are almost always the least unamusing.


Looks like: Ryan Gosling auditions for the Dirty Dancing remake.

Ryan says: "Nobody puts Baby in the corner unless they have her express permission. Ha ha, just kidding guys. But seriously, respect women."


Looks like: The Greatest Driving Anthems... Ever: The Movie. Not available in any shops, because it's not real.

Ryan says: "Sometimes I like to head out to the countryside in my Prius and just lose myself in some Coldplay. Drive responsibly, everyone."


Looks like: A Vice Magazine photoshoot. For the hammer maniacs who want to murder in style.

Ryan says: "I only agreed to portray violence in this movie if the director, my friend Nicolas Winding Refn, donated half of my wages to the local animal sanctuary. I visit them whenever I can!"


Looks like: Ryan Gosling is hitting the gym. In the eighties.

Ryan says: "I watch what I eat but I like to think it watches me! The human body is not something that should be taken for granted, but put a donut in front of me and I'll snaffle it up, just you wait and see, ha ha!"


Looks like: A hilarious road trip comedy, in which passenger Steve Carell has decided to punch Ryan Gosling in the face while driving.

Ryan says: "I don't believe in road rage, but I do believe in air care."
What were we talking about again? Oh yeah, someone invite me to see Drive, please. There'll be one of these posts a week until you do.