Suchet to just do all the fucking Poirots over again

Fresh from completing filming on the last Poirot it is physically possible to do because Agatha Christie didn't actually write any more, David Suchet has announced his intention to "just do them all again from the beginning".

"There is plenty of fresh material to mine in this character," the actor confirmed. "I've barely begun to scratch the surface of the way he thinks a bit about how a murder might have been committed, then figures it out and tells people what he's come up with.

"It's a terrific challenge. Particularly when I do that little upper-lip wiggle thing to make the moustache move.

"You've seen me do that, right? Fucking BAFTA City, Arizona."

An ITV spokesperson explained: "Look, if they can reboot Spiderman three weeks after the last one, we can totally do this. We'll just stick a different hat on him or something.

"That one where the guy gets stabbed on a train? I reckon we'll just do it again with a different train. Or maybe the same one, only now it's got to Constantinople and it just goes back the other way and someone else gets murdered on the return journey.

"Doesn't even have to be a knife this time. Could be a gun or a big club or something. The possibilities are endless, and Suchet's down for whatever."