Tesco banishes Jedi dorks

If you're going to list your religion as 'Jedi' on the census form, expect to be persecuted like everyone else, dickhead.

I rank the 400,000 people who listed their religion as 'Jedi' on the UK census forms slightly below those who ticked the 'Sex offender' box. We all love a bit of Star Wars, but some Colin Hunts have to ruin it for the rest of us.

Jedi master Daniel Jones, the founder of the Church of Jediism in England (sigh), discovered the hard way that not everyone appreciates the Jedi way of life. While browsing a Tesco in Wales in full 'costume', Jones was asked politely to de-hood his robe or leave the store. Furious, Jones sped back to his Jedi chambers (bedsit) on his land-speeder (Robin Reliant).

Understandably, given the fact he founded a Church based on a fictional sci-fi film, Jones was not happy about being persecuted for his religious beliefs:

"It states in our Jedi doctrination that I can wear headwear... You have a choice of wearing headwear in your home or at work but you have to wear a cover for your head when you are in public.

They said: 'Take it off', and I said: 'No, its part of my religion. It's part of my religious right.' I gave them a Jedi church business card... They weren't listening to me and were rude. They had three people around me. It was intimidating."

However, Tesco weren't about to pass up a PR opportunity this good and promptly responsed with a verbal smackdown that would have left Jones crying like a little bitch into his cuddly Jar Jar:

"He hasn't been banned. Jedis are very welcome to shop in our stores although we would ask them to remove their hoods... Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda and Luke Skywalker all appeared hoodless without ever going over to the Dark Side and we are only aware of the Emperor as one who never removed his hood...If Jedi walk around our stores with their hoods on, they'll miss lots of special offers."

BURRRN! You got served, Jedi! I love the patronising way the quote is delivered, as if to a twelve year-old; I love the shoe-horning in of a special offer promo at the end; but most of all, I love how they've basically deconstructed the Jedi religion by, y'know, having watched the films and reminding them that the so-called Jedi 'doctrination' is a load of old shit.

Jones is apparently considering a Jedi Tesco boycott; Tesco have reduced their number of Star Wars spaghetti hoops and man-size tissues accordingly.