Twilight Eclipse officially has the most boring poster ever


24th March 2010

Adventure? Excitement? Teenagers crave not these things. Check out the most fucking miserable one-sheet this side of Schindler's List's teaser poster.

I saw Twilight: New Moon the other night. Stop making that wanking motion, I was well paid for it. In actual fact, I was struck by how much I didn't hate it; it probably could have been much more tolerable if the three youngsters involved in its epic love triangle looked like they, y'know... actually enjoyed each other's company. It's officially the glummest romance ever.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse looks like following suit (grey, one-breasted, bought from George@Asda) because I can't remember for the life of me ever seeing a more drab poster than this. If you beamed down from the planet Snrub and had never heard of Twilight, you wouldn't guess this movie had vampires and werewolves in it. You'd think it was a Todd Solondz movie.

Check out that tagline: "It all begins with a choice." Deep, right? Only, having seen the last movie, where Mrs Moodychops actually says to third wheel piglet "It's always been him," referring to Sparkle Motion, it's kind of all redundant.

Sorry, just caught sight of myself quoting Twilight. I shall begin the 500 lashes immediately.


This could take a while. Enjoy the poster. Or not.

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