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Johnny Depp

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Review: The Lone Ranger

Posted by Ali at 22:45 on 07 Aug 2013
The Lone Ranger
Historically, the Western is a genre that requires patience. Typically, teenagers are not the most patient of people. Therefore, it stands to reason that Gore Verbinski must have been spectacularly drunk when he pitched The Lone Ranger: a 149-minute Western aimed at kids, smack bang in the middle of blockbuster season. That it flopped to the tune of $190 million is not a surprise; the fact that it is not nearly the disaster US critics heralded it as, however, is something of a welcome revelation.

Can critics really kill a movie? Don't make me laugh

Posted by Ali at 22:20 on 06 Aug 2013
Can critics really kill a movie? Don't make me laugh
Like dogs responding to a high-pitched whistle, film critics around the world pricked up their ears today when the stars of The Lone Ranger effectively blamed scathing reviews for its dismal failure at the box-office. As I'm technically a critic because I have a website and spare time and delusions of grandeur, I felt obligated to throw my hat into the ring. Then pick it up, dust it off and remove it from the ring, because the ring is stupid and even just having my hat in it for a second makes me a bit stupid too.

I calls 'em how I sees 'em

Posted by Ali at 08:30 on 09 Apr 2013
I calls 'em how I sees 'em
If there's anyone out there who actually thinks Disney's $250m blockbuster The Lone Ranger will turn a profit, be sure to vote with your wallet. You know, like how you all did with John Carter. (New poster from IMP).

Review: Dark Shadows

Posted by Matt at 13:30 on 10 May 2012
Dark Shadows
Time to break out the Tim Burton checklist then. Comedy-horror with supernatural elements? Check. Johnny Depp? Obvs. Score by Danny Elfman? Yuh-huh. Helena Bonham Carter? Of course. Pop culture retread? Yes. The time has long passed when one of Hollywood's most original directors has become a parody of himself. And as his once twisted gothic visuals have now given way to colourful cartoonish CGI, you have to ask "Damn - why didn't you make a vampire movie 15 years ago?"

Dark Shadows character posters given kooky face-swap makeover

Posted by Ali at 07:00 on 27 Mar 2012
Dark Shadows character posters given kooky face-swap makeover
It's easy to make a poster for a Tim Burton film. Whack up the contrast, choose your gaudy neon colour highlight and let the PosterTron 6000 software do the rest. We thought the characters for Tim Burton's Dark Shadows were lacking something. So we made them better.

World reacts in shock as Tim Burton's new film 'gothic in style'

Posted by Ali at 22:45 on 22 Sep 2011
World reacts in shock as Tim Burton's new film 'gothic in style'
Entertainment Weekly, who don't entertain me nearly weekly enough, have released the first still from Tim Burton's Dark Shadows, which he apparently made with bits left over from all his other films.

5 brilliant new plot ideas for Pirates Of The Caribbean 5

Posted by Ben at 07:00 on 15 Jul 2011
5 brilliant new plot ideas for Pirates Of The Caribbean 5
So Johnny Depp is in talks to play Jack Sparrow once again for more hijinks on the high-seas, but what could possibly be in store for Pirates Of The Caribbean next? Let's dredge the bottom of the barrel!

Johnny Depp in talks for Pay-raise 5

Posted by Ali at 22:37 on 06 Jul 2011
Johnny Depp in talks for Pay-raise 5
In news that will surprise precisely nobody, it's been reported that Johnny Depp is in talks to reprise Jack Sparrow for a fifth Pirates Of The Caribbean movie. Because artistic integrity.

Review: Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Posted by Matt at 07:00 on 16 May 2011
Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Franchises don't usually recover well from a post-trilogy hiatus when coming back for a fourth instalment (I'm looking at you, Indy - and you McClane), but Pirates Of The Caribbean has the added obstacle that each previously released film got progressively worse anyway, ending on a bloated CGI mess of a finale. So has the studio learned its lesson and made a worthy reboot? Of course not – it's utter 'yarrr'se.

Pirates 4's action scenes are intense

Posted by Ali at 20:29 on 03 May 2011
Pirates 4's action scenes are intense
Who'd have thought the director of musicals like Chicago and Nine would be able to pull off such belting action scenes? [Editor's note: this is sarcasm. I think I forgot how to use it properly.]
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Our review
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+The Love Punch (12A)