Tom Hiddlestone

Review: War Horse

At the screening of War Horse I attended, there were people in floods of tears. Floods. Not just quiet, reflective sobbing, but that godless, wretched honking that's usually accompanied by snot and friends who wish they were somewhere else. Me? I didn't shed a single tear – I walked out of there like Moses parting a salty sea. Bear in mind I once got a bit teary because I thought one of my cats was upset with me, and that should tell you a little about me, but everything about War Horse. It's about as manipulative a film has Steven Spielberg has ever made – a movie that's been custom-designed from the ground up to play a sad harp solo on the heartstrings; a story cynically told to invoke as many tears as possible. You'd swear it was bankrolled by Kleenex.

Review: Thor

The main problem Marvel faces in rounding up its Avengers is this introduction to the Norse God of Thunder. Can Thor exist in Iron Man's more rational world of implausible tech and high-science? Well, the question seems to be: is a near-omnipotent, hammer-wielding space Viking any less believable than a billionaire shooting lasers from his flying robot suit? As it turns out, no. They're both utterly ridiculous. Now sit back, shut up and enjoy.