|Starring||Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston, Brooklyn Decker, Nick Swardson, Nicole Kidman, Bailee Madison, Griffin Gluck|
|Release||11 FEB (US) 11 FEB (UK) Certificate 12A|
In addition to the fact you're being asked to root for a sexist scumbag who's trying to lie his way into a naïve young girl's tiny pants, Just Go With It features a number of entirely irrelevant scenes to up the laugh quota - because there's precisely zero chuckles to be squeezed from this dry old husk of a screenplay. So, you can expect the following:
- A man performing mouth-to-mouth with an unconscious sheep
- A hula-hula dance-off starring Nicole Kidman
- A pointless Heidi Montag cameo (I'm ashamed to even know who this is)
- A man picking up a coconut with his anus
- An infant taking a dump on a man's hand
- At least three nut-shots
By far the worst - and most cringeworthy - addition to Just Go With It is Nick Swardson's character, who pretends to be Jennifer Aniston's new lover Dolph Lundgren, complete with hilarious German accent and big, Coke-bottle glasses. He even uses the term "schnitzel" when referring to his penis. You can practically feel comedy facepalming itself every second he's allowed on screen. It's jaw-droppingly crass.
There is no internal logic to this movie whatsoever. It's Eastenders-esque scriptwriting at its best - the kind of tangled story that only exists because not one character decides to take the most obvious course of action and, y'know, tell the truth. There isn't a single character in Just Go With It that behaves like a rational human being. It's like watching a movie about relationships that was written by someone who's never visited Earth, or had a girlfriend. One day, Aniston's character claims she hates Sandler and calls him a "pig"; the next, she's declaring her love for him. Sandler and his girlfriend don't even go on one date with each other before they go on holiday to Hawaii. What the fuck? Even post-roast I couldn't keep track of all the story's inconsistencies.
Enough is enough. You, me and everyone we know has enjoyed at least one Adam Sandler comedy at some point - whether it was one of his more tolerable movies from his 'screaming manchild' period (closing date pending) or his rare forays into 'serious' territory (reminder: Punch-Drunk Love was nine years ago), there's no doubt he had something appealing about him. No more. Just Go With It is the line drawn in the sand. No more free passes for Adam Sandler. From now on, you're a slightly richer Rob Schneider. You're a balding David Spade. You're a thinner Kevin James.
The man has his own production company and never needs to work another day in his life, but this is what he chooses to make? Fuck you, Sandler. You're lowering the world's IQ one idiot at a time. Fuck you. You've had every opportunity to make something that matters for years now, and you churn out horseshit like this? You're comedy cancer. You're actively eating away at what makes cinema great while you sleepwalk through your shitty movies and pick up your gigantic, undeserved paycheque. Fuck you for wasting my time, fuck you for having no shame and a pre-emptive fuck you for Jack And Jill.
Still, Brooklyn Decker's tits are fantastic.
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