Captain America: The First Avenger

Director    Joe Johnston
Starring    Chris Evans, Hayley Atwell, Hugo Weaving, Stanley Tucci, Dominic Cooper, Toby Jones, Tommy Lee Jones
Release    29 JUL (US) 29 JUL (UK)    Certificate 12A
3 stars


22nd July 2011

Even next to Thor, a movie about a space god with a magic hammer, Captain America: The First Avenger was always going to be one of Marvel's trickiest properties to do justice to. Here's what amounts to my review, in musical form.

This review should only be read when accompanied by this music.

Chris Evans!

Oily chest!


Pure charisma!

Action scenes!

Exploding shit!

Cool aesthetic!


Hayley Atwell!

Nice rack!

Sexual tension!

Kissing scene!

Tommy Lee Jones!

Surly bastard!

Howard Stark!

Where's he from?

Hugo Weaving!

Being evil!

Stupid henchmen!

Crappy make-up!

Musical number!

Strangely good!

Alan Menken!

Oscar nom!

Nick Fury!

Avengers teaser!

Shit 3D!

Dark and dingy!

Snow level!

Cheesy script!

Hammy acting!

Kinda gay!

Not a failure!

Awesome cast!

Worth seeing?

Thor beater?
Am I more excited now for The Avengers than I even thought possible? FUCK YEAH.

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