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The most visually offensive movie poster of all time

Ali

27th August 2011

Brilliant. Now my central nervous system has shut down. Well that's just great.

On my quest to pick holes in every single movie poster ever published on the internet, occasionally I stumble across some truly heinous examples - dodgy composites, sparks, garish colours, unnecessary diagonals, random helicopters and just general visual clusterfucks that look like the result of someone being murdered while using a graphics tablet.

Stop the press: I just found the most visually offensive movie poster ever made. It's a Russian version of the poster for A Good Old-Fashioned Orgy, starring Jason Sudeikis and various other US comedians.

First, for contrast, here's the original American one-sheet. It's pretty bland and forgettable, but it's not likely to cause any seizures.

Click image for full-size picture


Now here's the Russian version. Prepare your anus.

Click image for full-size picture

Before I even attempt to deconstruct what the hell's going on there, here's some soothing imagery and audio to decompress your spinning brain.




Feeling zen? Okay, let's brave ourselves and go in for a second look.
So apparently, the word 'orgy' in giant letters and a bed full of people doesn't really communicate hedonism effectively enough. The answer?

A TOILET FULL OF CRISPS.
A BLOW-UP TURTLE.
PIZZA AND BEER AND A TRAFFIC CONE.

What the hell kind of orgy is this? The first thing I do before group sex is have a clear-out, but how am I supposed to take a dump if the toilet is full of goddamn crisps? This doesn't bode well for the orgy, I'd think.

Not having seen the movie, these may well be crucial elements to the plot, but I'm guessing not - they're far more likely to be graphics that were sat in some Russian graphic designer's 'Đ¯andom' folder just taking up hard drive space. When else was he going to use his cut-out of a cowboy hat with darts sticking out of it?

Maybe this fictional Russian designer I've just invented has an equally insane boss. DAMMIT, IT NEEDS MORE CRISPS, he'd say. Poor guy's just trying to earn a living. It's the only logical explanation.


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