Twilight gimp playing Action Man Jr.

Pug-nosed shirtless Twilight werewolf Taylor Lautner didn't max out his glutes for nothing, y'know. He's being prepped to play Max Steel, the hideously inappropriate Action Man knock-off for tweens. TO THE MAX etc.

Taylor Lautner's homework must be stacking up since he found fame in the Twilight saga, but his geography coursework is going to have to wait, because he's been connected to the forthcoming Max Steel movie.

Max Steel, like G.I. Joe, is an adaptation of a toy line that's not at all anything like Action Man, no sir. It's just he's a ripped secret agent with loads of gadgets who travels the world fighting evil bad guys and has smooth genitalia. Prepare for one of the worst PR quotes of the year.

The ability to change his appearance? Wow! What modern witchcraft is this? Also, 'near-invulnerability' isn't a super power. I'm near-invulnerable, but for one weakness: being punched, kicked, stabbed or shot. I'm also near-invisible.

Max Steel sounds like xXx in short trousers, and considering the target audience for Vin Diesel movies doesn't have any hair on its balls to begin with, this could set a new record for the most instances of lame extreme sports lingo and teen pandering in one movie. TO THE XTREEEEME! (*flips through teen dictionary*)

Max Steel also sounds like gay porn. Just saying: be careful what you sign up for, Taylor. I wouldn't want you to make the same mistakes I did.