Chloe

News, Reviews & Features

Review: Bait is tighter than a duck's arse

Movie Review | Luke Whiston | 24th February 2020

My partner made me turn Bait off after two minutes because she said it was "pretentious," so we watched Ru Paul's Drag Race instead. My idiot friends spent an hour trying to come up with wanking jokes in our WhatsApp group because Mark Kermode said the film was a "masterpiece" (master + bait + combined mental age of 12), with predictably disappointing results. But like my mum said when I came home from riding my bike one day and she told me the Under 9s coach had rung to say the rules had changed and teams only fielded ten players now so I shouldn't show up for practice anymore: "It's their loss, Luke, you're brilliant at football."

Read full article »
The Snowman

Movie Review | Ali Gray | 12th October 2017

Murder mysteries exist in a weird sort of critical stasis while you're watching them, because any story that hinges on an explosive final act reveal floats in limbo until it has shown its hand. Such a reveal - a surprise identity, a killer motive, a shock twist - may cause you to reassess everything you've already seen. The best films of the genre do just that: they cleverly subvert what you think you saw, fill in plot gaps you didn't know were there and, like a smug serial killer, flaunt the fact that they've been one step ahead of you the whole time. Yeah, The Snowman does not do any of that. You watch attentively and wait patiently and cross your legs and twiddle your thumbs but come the crushingly disappointing final act, the only dawning realisation you have is this: The Snowman is a bad movie and it turns out it had been all along. Twist!

Read full article »
The Equalizer

Movie Review | Ed Williamson | 25th September 2014

Waaaaay back in 2012, when everyone was losing their shit over why Tom Cruise was playing Jack Reacher despite being comically ill-suited to the role, I had a few alternative suggestions. The Rock. Daniel Craig. Idris Elba. But it never occurred to me: Denzel Washington. Of course. Denzel bloody Washington. The bloke can turn his hand to anything. Luckily, Hollywood is way smarter than I am, and has set straight this misstep in the form of The Equalizer, with two key differences. One, an increased level of violence and a higher certificate to match. And two, unlike Jack Reacher, it's really very good.

Read full article »
Kick-Ass 2

Movie Review | Ali | 15th August 2013

Remember the key word of superhero sequel The Dark Knight? Escalation. Christopher Nolan took the events of Batman Begins and used them as a foundation for the mayhem to come: how would Bruce Wayne's actions in the first movie affect the world in which he lived? Well, Kick-Ass 2 takes exactly the same approach by expanding its world, but somehow manages to feel smaller and less impressive as a result.

Read full article »
Movie poster taglines R.I.P.

Movie Feature | Matt | 26th April 2013

'Carrie - You will know her name' and '3 Geezers - A funny movie' mark the day the movie poster tagline died. #NeverForget (via IMP)

Read full article »
Advertise with us!
Dark Shadows

Movie Review | Matt | 10th May 2012

Time to break out the Tim Burton checklist then. Comedy-horror with supernatural elements? Check. Johnny Depp? Obvs. Score by Danny Elfman? Yuh-huh. Helena Bonham Carter? Of course. Pop culture retread? Yes. The time has long passed when one of Hollywood's most original directors has become a parody of himself. And as his once twisted gothic visuals have now given way to colourful cartoonish CGI, you have to ask "Damn - why didn't you make a vampire movie 15 years ago?"

Read full article »
Dark Shadows character posters given kooky face-swap makeover

Movie Feature | Ali | 27th March 2012

It's easy to make a poster for a Tim Burton film. Whack up the contrast, choose your gaudy neon colour highlight and let the PosterTron 6000 software do the rest. We thought the characters for Tim Burton's Dark Shadows were lacking something. So we made them better.

Read full article »
Why Martin Scorsese's Hugo will flop

Movie Feature | Ali | 22nd November 2011

Martin Scorsese has a new film out next weekend! Goodfellas! Mean Streets! Casino! The Departed! A new movie from one of America's greatest living directors! Then... how come nobody cares?

Read full article »
World reacts in shock as Tim Burton's new film 'gothic in style'

Movie News | Ali | 22nd September 2011

Entertainment Weekly, who don't entertain me nearly weekly enough, have released the first still from Tim Burton's Dark Shadows, which he apparently made with bits left over from all his other films.

Read full article »
Let Me In

Movie Review | Matt | 5th November 2010

Ugh, remakes. Am I right, guys? Take a perfectly good Swedish vampire film, strip the subtitles, gloss it up and re-release it for American audiences to cash in on the Twilight craze. Sound about right? Well no, actually we were all wrong. I was expecting to walk out of the cinema spitting vitriol at Let Me In's vast inferiority to the 2008 original (already cult favourite) film Let the Right One In, but this remake is actually pretty good. No, it's better than that - it's almost just as good.

Read full article »

Support Us

We are now using Patreon to cover some of our hosting fees. So if you like our brand of "content" and would like to see us do more, please consider chucking a few digital pennies our way by clicking on the link below. Thanks!