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Review: Sex Tape

Posted by Ali Gray at 18:00 on 05 Sep 2014
Sex Tape
"Nobody understands the cloud!" hisses Jason Segel. "It's a fucking mystery!" Prescient words, given recent events; with a plot regarding a mislaid dirty video, Sex Tape is uniquely positioned to capitalise on the most scandalous celebrity leak in history, but it's a shame the movie is too busy blowing smoke up Apple's rear port to make any sort of meaningful comment on the testy relationship between intimacy and technology.

The 2014 movie poster mash-up you didn't know you didn't want to see

Posted by Ali Gray at 11:30 on 07 Aug 2014
The 2014 movie poster mash-up you didn't know you didn't want to see
I'm just sayin' what everyone be thinkin', yo. (Large here).

Cool Sex Tape poster, but why is Cameron Diaz in her pants again?

Posted by Ali Gray at 11:15 on 18 Mar 2014
Cool Sex Tape poster, but why is Cameron Diaz in her pants again?
I like the concept for this poster for Sex Tape - a movie starring Jason Segel and Cameron Diaz about a sex tape starring Jason Segel and Cameron Diaz - but it's one of the more flagrantly sexist posters I've seen recently. So Cameron Diaz has to appear in tiny pants but Jason Segel gets pyjamas? And socks? Don't get me wrong, I've seen enough of Jason Segel's genitals to last me a lifetime, but he could have at least rocked a boxer. TUT TUT.

Review: #LFF2013: Don Jon

Posted by Ali Gray at 16:00 on 21 Oct 2013
#LFF2013: Don Jon
Joseph Gordon-Levitt is impossible to dislike. The bastard. Attractive, talented, creative, industrious and brilliant at karaoke, he's the kind of self-made leading man who you actively will towards success – as opposed to all the no-talent shit-for-brain himbos for hire who I actively will towards homelessness. Gordon-Levitt's directorial debut Don Jon is certainly an accomplished and confident first film, but I can't help but think a lot of the praise it's receiving is directed at its star and not its screenplay – subtract all the personal goodwill that Gordon-Levitt has banked over the years and Don Jon remains a good film, just perhaps not a great one.

The final Nymphomaniac poster

Posted by Ali Gray at 08:00 on 11 Oct 2013
The final Nymphomaniac poster
What? I thought we were all doing cum-faces. (Reminder: The Lonely Island were ace).

Review: Lovelace

Posted by Christopher Ratcliff at 20:00 on 25 Aug 2013
Lovelace
It's The '70s! Hooray! I Heart The '70s! Do you remember The '70s? I do! If I wasn't gliding around a roller-rink listening to disco music in hot-pants, I was sunbathing next to the swimming pool at my mom's house listening to an AM radio, phoning the DJ to request Bachman-Turner Overdrive multiple times and giggling with my best friend who won't figure hugely in my later life. Do you know what the best thing about The '70s was, though? Apart from the fonts. There were some great fonts in The '70s. No no, the best thing about The '70s was porn!

Proof that Seth MacFarlane's sexism is anything but harmless

Posted by Ali at 21:00 on 27 Feb 2013
Proof that Seth MacFarlane's sexism is anything but harmless
Nobody told me it was National Sexism Week. I would have bought a badge or something. First came Seth MacFarlane's boob-centric stint as Oscars host, then everyone piled in to insult a 21-year-old American actress walking down the street for not being as attractive as a comic-book character. I don't know about the rest of you fellas, but I'm feeling pretty ashamed about my own penis right now. Moreso than usual.

I saw this and can't unsee it and so now I'm showing it to you

Posted by Ali at 12:45 on 09 Sep 2012


You don't even want to know the chain of events that led to me finding out about the existence of a film called Porndogs. I'm so sorry. (IMDB).

Sexy Emma Watson to star in sexy Fifty Shades Of Grey sex movie?

Posted by Ali at 12:00 on 25 Jul 2012
Sexy Emma Watson to star in sexy Fifty Shades Of Grey sex movie?
To the relief of Google-baiters everywhere, SEXY HARRY POTTER star and former TEEN Emma Watson is rumoured to be starring in the movie adaptation of the racy hit series FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, described by some to contain SEX, HARDCORE FUCKING, BONDAGE, SPANKING and female empowerment.

Bad news for lovers of tits and fish

Posted by Ali at 07:00 on 31 Dec 2011
Oscar-hopeful Piranha 3DD has had its theatrical release canned and is heading straight to DVD, which is terrible news for lovers of trashy horror films but great news for people who hate getting boners in public.
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