Joseph Gordon-Levitt is impossible to dislike. The bastard. Attractive, talented, creative, industrious and brilliant at karaoke, he's the kind of self-made leading man who you actively will towards success – as opposed to all the no-talent shit-for-brain himbos for hire who I actively will towards homelessness. Gordon-Levitt's directorial debut Don Jon is certainly an accomplished and confident first film, but I can't help but think a lot of the praise it's receiving is directed at its star and not its screenplay – subtract all the personal goodwill that Gordon-Levitt has banked over the years and Don Jon remains a good film, just perhaps not a great one.
It's The '70s! Hooray! I Heart The '70s! Do you remember The '70s? I do! If I wasn't gliding around a roller-rink listening to disco music in hot-pants, I was sunbathing next to the swimming pool at my mom's house listening to an AM radio, phoning the DJ to request Bachman-Turner Overdrive multiple times and giggling with my best friend who won't figure hugely in my later life. Do you know what the best thing about The '70s was, though? Apart from the fonts. There were some great fonts in The '70s. No no, the best thing about The '70s was porn!
Nobody told me it was National Sexism Week. I would have bought a badge or something. First came Seth MacFarlane's boob-centric stint as Oscars host, then everyone piled in to insult a 21-year-old American actress walking down the street for not being as attractive as a comic-book character. I don't know about the rest of you fellas, but I'm feeling pretty ashamed about my own penis right now. Moreso than usual.
To the relief of Google-baiters everywhere, SEXY HARRY POTTER star and former TEEN Emma Watson is rumoured to be starring in the movie adaptation of the racy hit series FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, described by some to contain SEX, HARDCORE FUCKING, BONDAGE, SPANKING and female empowerment.
Oscar-hopeful Piranha 3DD has had its theatrical release canned and is heading straight to DVD, which is terrible news for lovers of trashy horror films but great news for people who hate getting boners in public.
The Change-Up is out now, and on the surface, looks like a fairly amiable body-swap comedy. However, within lies a secret that could change the way men masturbate over naked breasts in movies... forever.
You've already seen our list of guilty pleasures from 2010, and with awesomely bad movies comes awesomely bad dire-logue - the lines that drop out of character's mouths like turds out of bumholes. Enjoy!