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Suchet to just do all the fucking Poirots over again
TV News | Ed Williamson | 13th November 2013
Fresh from completing filming on the last Poirot it is physically possible to do because Agatha Christie didn't actually write any more, David Suchet has announced his intention to "just do them all again from the beginning".
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Kingsland Road to have street named after them
TV News | Ed Williamson | 5th November 2013
X Factor boyband evictees Kingsland Road are to be honoured by the London Borough of Hackney, which has announced its plan to name a street after them. "It seems a fitting tribute," a council spokesperson confirmed. "We regret that for safety reasons we are unable to invite them to the unveiling ceremony, however, because the railway bridge where it runs into Shoreditch High Street is quite low, and their hair is so very tall."
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Andre: "My kids? Take 'em or leave 'em, to be honest"
TV News | Ed Williamson | 22nd October 2013
Professional father and crier Peter Andre has exclusively revealed that he's actually not all that bothered about his children.
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One door closes, another one opens
TV News | Ed Williamson | 1st October 2013
Sure, Breaking Bad might be over. But Danny Dyer is becoming landlord of the Queen Vic at Christmas, meaning Eastenders will immediately become as good as Breaking Bad, if not better. Walter White wouldn't have even got near a slot on Danny Dyer's Deadliest Men. Slag.
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Congratulations to Doogie Howser, emcee
TV News | Ed Williamson | 23rd September 2013
Well done to everyone's friend Neil Patrick Harris, who appears to have gone down a storm hosting the Emmys. I would congratulate everyone who won awards too, but in truth I only posted this to make the pun in the headline.
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The Newsroom records first-ever TV instance of woman not wearing make-up to bed
TV News | Ed Williamson | 2nd September 2013
This has literally never once happened before in TV or film. Every woman in the history of the moving image has gone to bed fully made-up, and woken up with it still immaculately applied. The Newsroom's Maggie Jordan today advanced the cause of women on TV by exactly 9.6 years, according to my Feminism Calculator. Hey, wait a second, this is just a Mattel Barbie cash register with a sticker of Ellen DeGeneres on it!
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Atkinson race row shocks Celebrity Big Brother producers
TV News | Ed Williamson | 26th August 2013
Celebrity Big Brother producers today expressed surprise that Ron Atkinson had said something racist on the show. "It came right out of the blue," a spokesperson confirmed. "It's not as if, outside football, he's most well known for having publicly made a racist remark. Mainly we wanted him on the show to talk about his remarkable 1991 Rumbelows Cup campaign with Sheffield Wednesday. It never occurred to us he might say something controversial.
"All this is going to do is attract a lot of publicity to the show, which is the last thing we wanted. But we've used Big Brother's system of arbitrary made-up rules to give him a formal warning, and we consider that an end to the matter." -
PaxBeard changes everything
TV News | Ed Williamson | 13th August 2013
"Will ... will it ever be the same?" the woman asked, her voice almost a whisper.
"Never," the man replied. "It will never be the same. All that once was is gone. And what will be ..." He stopped to collect himself. "What will be ... no man can say."
And with that they held each other tightly, the wind outside a howling portent, and waited for day again. -
Government to use Sean Harris to deter internet porn users
TV News | Ed Williamson | 5th August 2013
In the latest of a string of ruses to stop people looking at porn, David Cameron has successfully lobbied Britain's top internet service providers to use an image of actor Sean Harris as a deterrent.
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Sorkin to write drama in which at least one person is not fantastically witty
TV News | Ed Williamson | 3rd August 2013
West Wing and Newsroom creator Aaron Sorkin has announced plans for his latest TV project, in which not every single character will be capable of delivering perfectly timed bons mots at astonishing speed.
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